Mick Molloy...

Lord only knows why, but for as long as I can remember I have had the HOTS for Mick Molloy.. 

If I had the forethought I would even laminate a poster of Mick and put it on the ceiling above my bed, but that would be creapy wouldn't it?  Yes, I agree, very creapy..

I make it perfectly clear to partners that should Mick knock on the front door I'd dump them in a flash. 

I often fantasise that I open the door to find Mick dressed only in a pair of red lollybags.

I would like to take this opportunity to state that I am not a weirdo, nor a possessed stalker fan.. But I just thought it was time to air my dirty secret.  It's out now, I feel cleansed..

But I do love Mick Molloy <3

How to loose your shit in 5 seconds.....

My beautiful sister (K1) is staying with me for a few days while she is on holidays.  We have been shopping till we drop and having some one on one bonding time, which to be honest we don't really get much of a chance to do considering we live 3 hours apart.

In addition to K1 being here, I also have housemate K2.  I refer to them as K1 and K2 to protect the innocent and because they are like the B1 and B2 Banana's in Pajama's sans costumes (pajama's essential in the house though)....

The two of them together make for a fun time because they bounce off each other with comical conversations and witty banter which ends up with uncontrollable laughter and giggling, I won't mention the singing cause that's just going overboard.

Last night while sitting at the dining table after dining on Moroccan Lamb, veg and couscous which started off in the Tajine that K1 bought be for Christmas but it died (literally snapped in half on the stove). 

K2 was standing in the dining room with her work belt around her neck.. K1 queried if K2 had been a dog in a previous life as she was wearing her belt like a collar.  K2 laughed and there was banter back and forth with dog puns etc.  K1 mentioned that she was a dog in a previous life and had been mistreated and invited K2 to feel the side of her neck because she still has the marks...

At this point, I literally loose my shit, because I know what is going to happen next. 

I have a glass to lemon, lime and bitters up to my mouth and it goes everywhere as I quite literally explode with laughter, uncontrollable laughter, volcanious laughter... I cannot explain it any other way.

I was laughing so hard I had issues deciding whether to concentrate on standing or breathing, I wasn't even sure what my priority should be, stand? sit? breathe? vomit?

I was laughing so hard I was crying.

I was laughing so hard I thought my ribs were going to break.

I was laughing so hard I had no control over my bodily functions, I was drooling, crying, there may or may not have been snot involved I cannot remember... Fortunately I didn't get to the stage of "loosing my shit" but I was so damned close it wasn't funny.

I was laughing so hard I had no recollection of what I was doing, apart from I knew I had to get up to breathe, to go to the bathroom and get a towel, however when I did get my fat arse off the chair, I staggered like a drunkard, like I had just feasted on 6 bottles of red wine, staggering, clutching at chairs, running into tables.. 

I managed to stagger down the hallway, tears blinding me, ribs killing, the sounds of laughter from K1 and K2 following me and making me laugh even more.. I had a mission to get a towel to mop up the drool. One mission.. One mission only..

I remember hearing K1 finish the story about the dog collar.  K2 falls for K1's joke and feels K1's neck at which point K1 growls and tries to bite K2, this in turn makes K2 squeal like a girl followed by more laughter from both of them.  At this point, I loose my shit again..

For the love of God, I have no idea what I thought was so damned funny, or why that joke pushed me so far into pain and suffering from laughter, but I am paying for it now.

Boris the Teddy Bear

This morning I woke up with a horrible feeling… I remembered Boris.


Boris was an old yellow teddy bear with a tartan bow around his neck that Jason has cherished since he was a child. He and Boris were pretty much inseparable. I woke up this morning thinking about Boris and wondering where he was. I hope that he wasn’t thrown out in the clean up of Jason's house.

So I rang his work colleague and I've left a message for his best mate Matt (who found Jason on Wednesday 8th December) to call me, because Boris really needs to go to Jason's mother or someone who would appreciate how valuable Boris is/was to Jason.

This morning has been a struggle. I can't let it go.. I can't delete his number from my phone just yet, I still live in hope that he will message me "Hi!".

Vale Jasper Legge

Jasper....


I can't remember the first time I met you.. I do remember that we used to have fun. I was exceptionally young, you and your sister were people who lived on the opposite side of the spectrum to me. I remember skinny dipping with you and Zoe down at the beach, it was so naughty, but god it was fun.

I have fond memories of hanging out with you and Zoe at the horse stud.. Thanks for the memories:

Jasper Legge. 15.06.1968 - 04.07.2010

Vale Aunty Rube

Aunty Rube...

My god you were a beautiful woman. You were kind, a great cook, you loved us all unconditionally and you lived till you were a graceful 97 years old.. The last of a bunch of crazy kids and the sibling of my grandfather Robert.

You've seen things in your life that I could never imagine. You've been through two wars, the birth and growth of technology and god alone knows how many direct decendants. The impact you have made on this earth is more than anyone could ever imagine.

RIP Ruby Taylor Saturday 27th November 2010.

Vale Jason Niblett

Not that long ago I mentioned in my blog that I had a fight with a "Jason".

This afternoon I received a phone call from one of his colleagues informing me that he had been found in his home passed away.  Apparently he had passed away from a heart attack at the age of 37. He wasn't found for 4 days and it wasn't until he didn't turn up for work that the alarm bells sounded.

Whilst he was a pain in the arse, I still loved him.  He was one of the "good guys" and always stayed in touch and would give you the shirt off his own back in a heart beat.

Not many people knew the real Jason, I am not even sure I knew the real Jason. 

We used to hang out, watch movies, study, cook, wrestle, stuff around, drink and a good laugh and sometimes a good argument.. He used to love my massages and used to love it when I would do ear candle treatments on him.  He loved golf, had a real passion for it, and used to say that his game improved when we spent time with each other.  He also loved cars.. He loved his Nissan Skyline and his motor bike (except when he came off it straight into a barbed wire fence) and wanted to buy a block of land in the country "somewhere west like Mudgee" he would say and build a fully self sustainable house.  His passion was renewable energy, wind turbines and solar energy and would try to explain it to me which would end in frustration!

He loved a drink, and lord knows, tried to give up smoking.. But it was all too much and I think he loved it even though he knew it was bad for him.

Sleep overs usually consisted of him snoring so damned loudly and his sleep apnoea was that dreadful he would stop breathing which scared me more than once.  Many a time he would nap on the sofa under the air conditioning remote control in hand wearing my grey tracksuit pants that he decided were his.

He loved garlic bread, and insisted on having it at most meals.

He used to get cranky with me for getting work done at the house without consulting him or letting him do it for me. When I did get work done, he would get upset especially if the job wasn't done to his high standards.

I attended your funeral today (Wednesday 15th Dec), met your Mum and Sister as well as your boss and a few work colleagues. It was all very mellow, and we needed you there to liven up the party.  You have your Mum's eyes, she said that she wished she'd met me before today and I guess I wished I had too. I do hope that you were there and that you saw the number of people that were there, standing room only.  So many people that you have touched in some way, shape or form.. 
All in all Jason, you were one that I loved to hate. You drove me nuts, but, you were a good man.  Thanks for the fun times.. I'll miss you so much xx.


RIP, Jason NIBLETT, December 8th, 2010.

How proud am I?

My beautiful neice, the talented soul that she is has BLITZED her classes this semester..

Well done Boogie, I am exceptionally proud of you.  You are awesome and I love you very much.

Me xx

Flooding in Queanbeyan

Due to the weather conditions and flooding that is occuring in the Queanbeyan area I feel that a name change for the area is in order.

I declare that Queanbeyan is now "Bogan Atlantas"..  I feel as though this is a fit name for the area now considering the amount of bogans per litre of flood water.

Let's hope there is enough flannel to soak up all that water.

Nice November

It's November...  For various reasons I am an absolute cranky pants during all if not MOST of November.

So, I've made a pact that for the rest of November I am going to be nice.  Not saccharin sweet, but nice.. Not overly nice, but sedately nice. Not diazepam nice, but just nice.

Nice...  If I fail to be nice to you, please put your grievences in writing and I'll get back to you in December.

Regards
Me

Tuesday's visit to my new best friend, Dr H.

I gotta tell you, for a busy man he is pretty prompt.

We arrived 15 minutes early as per the instructions.. Dr H. arrived soon after, even though I had a bit of a whinge about the fact that WE are expected to be there within a certain time frame why couldn't he be?

Then I thought, well he is probably driving an unreliable BMW or Jag or something along those lines and it's broken down or his car had been stolen in an unsavory part of town and therefore he couldn't get there on time.  As I sit there thinking of all the "worst case scenario's" Dr H could be going through he walked through the door more or less spot on my appointment time. Thank god, cause the next thing on my list to think about was the fact that I may need to find another Neurologist, and this thought didn't appeal to me cause I have kinda gotten used to Dr H and his idiosyncrasies.

Very soon after he calls me in followed by my entourage of Mum and Aaron.  He informs me that he has a student Doctor with him, who doesn't seem to have an identity.

It was a lengthy consult of over an hour, with questions and answers being thrown around the room and a great slide show of my brain MRI scans with a show n tell of the lesions in my brain, including one that is about the size of a 20c piece deep in the rear right of my brain and other smaller lesions that are a tear drop shape from my central cortex.

We discussed topics from medication to renovations.. He has indicated that he didn't want to put me on medication as yet, and to see what the next MRI shows.  I have booked in for a full MRI of my brain and spinal cord on the 21st January which means over an hour in the MRI tunnel, however he has taken liberty of prescribing Valium for me in the circumstance that I cannot handle such a long period inside the machine.

He also wanted me to go for a VEP test (http://www.virtualmedicalcentre.com/healthinvestigations.asp?sid=52) which in laymans terms tests how my eyes react to my brain and vice versa.  Bad news is I don't find out the outcome of this test until after the dreaded MRI in January when I see Dr H again which will be almost 6 months after diagnosis and should give some indication as to how the condition is progressing.

Oh, and by the way, he drives a Mazda!

Statistic of the day...

Sharks will only attack you if you are wet.

Introducing Flacido Gomez Dominican

From: Sally
Sent: Thursday, October 14, 2010 10:33 AM
To: Rach

How are you luv?

_____________________________________________
From: Rach
To: Sally

Yeah good… how are you going on the dark side?
_____________________________________________
From: Sally
To: Rach

Dark side is exactly that… Dark… Day four and I am not too sure. It's deafeningly quiet.
__________________________________________
From: Rach
To: Sally

LOL… just make it up Sal… it's all good! You'll be fine. I'll have to come visit you one day… I haven't been over there before :)
_____________________________________________
From: Sally
To: Rach

You are welcome anytime.
_____________________________________________
From: Rach
To: Sally

Right… well it's a date… are you in next week?
____________________________________________
From: Sally
To: Rach

Yes.. Unless:

a. I get hit by a bus
b. I go postal, which would result in you visiting me in another Government Building
c. I resign and become a monk
d. I get a sudden attack of paranoia and simply cannot leave the house
e. The cats eat me
f. I run away with the circus
g. I get a better offer
h. I am trapped in an MRI machine and the radiologist doesn't care
i. I was the 34th Chilean miner trapped 622mtrs underground and I was forgotten.. If so, please send help.
_____________________________________________
From: Rach
To: Sally

LMFAO! What about winning lotto? Doesn't that get a mention?
_____________________________________________
From: Sally
To: Rach

Oh please… Now you are just being unrealistically silly… Like that's going to happen!
_____________________________________________
From: Rach
To: Sally

LMFAO! Yep… you being the last miner is much more likely.

_____________________________________________
From: Sally
To: Rach

It could be… I am sitting down here in the dark on my mobile phone on webmail… It's been 10 weeks, they have done things to me I could never explain.. I only posed as a man so I could earn a bit more money.. Once my story is out I am going to sue that mining company for 37 million dollars for sexual assault.. Then I am going to buy a house in Spain overlooking the ocean and retire.

Can you please send me clean underwear? I am getting a bit rank and it's hard to get away from your own stench down here.

_____________________________________________
From: Rach
To: Sally

Let it be said that you, Sally *****, have a VIVID imagination!!!!

__________________________________________
From: Sally
To: Rach

Oh and when you report me missing to the Chilean Authorities can you please use the name Flacido Gomez Dominican? They don't know me as Sally ***** over here (who would believe that name!). I just need another week, by then the weight loss will be at it's supreme and I might be able to be put into that capsule thing without having to wrap my boobs around my neck to fit them in. Thanks.

_____________________________________________
From: Rach
To: Sally

LMFAO! No worries Flacido!!

_____________________________________________
From: Sally
To: Rach

You catch on quick; this is why I can trust you with this information.

p.s. sorry about the lack of postcards.

_____________________________________________
From: Rach
To: Sally

I am going to post this entire conversation on Facebook!

____________________________________________
From: Sally
To: Rach

I was going to change my name to Flacido on FB.. How many people will notice do you reckon? It could cause mass confusion…

I am gunna do it..
_____________________________________________
From: Rach
To: Sally

DO IT!!!

_____________________________________________
To: Rach

Done! NOW everyone will know my little secret.

_____________________________________________
From: Rach
To: Sally

You're a rebel…

_____________________________________________
From: Sally
To: Rach

I just hope no one comes to rescue me before my boobs have shrunk. Just to be on the safe side, could you please send me down some industrial strength gaffa tape or duct tape.. The tape I am using now to flatten my boobs (so I look more realistic as a blokey bloke miner) could do with a freshen up. Oh and some chocolate would be awesome, but it would have to be M&M's cause square blocks won't fit down the cylindrical food chute. Thanks again.
_____________________________________________
From: Rach
To: Sally

What about Pods? You like them!

_____________________________________________
From: Sally
To: Rach

Great idea! But will they melt? It's pretty warm down here, I figured M&M's cause they don’t melt in your hand. But pods would be awesome, just nothing with peanuts just in case I choke.. There is no one down here to give me the hyndlick manoeuvre.

____________________________________________
From: Rach
To: Sally

I have just read your email out in the office… we are all crying with laughter

Apologies for absence...

Wow, where has that month gone?

I am afraid I will not be able to remember all that has happened during my absence, however I will be able to give you some highlights.

Got a pedicure

Yup, that should just about do it.

Nah, in all seriousness... I've been a busy little porkchop..

I feel relaxed and cleansed, albeit a bit tired. I've done a lot of travelling, spent some quality time with loved ones, seen new things, killed a bird, met new friends and even found an old one in the most unusual place, but mostly I have learnt more about myself by doing some soul searching.

Eugene's teleportal machine..

Eugene is one of your Information Technology experts here in the Office.

This morning he and I had a discussion about transport and the fact that you need to take a packed lunch, clean underwear, worming tablets and deodorant to get from Point A to Point B within the Metro area.

During this discussion I suggested that maybe with his "know how" he can build a teleportal machine in his courtyard using parts from printers, dental floss etc to transport himself (and friends if need be) to places such as work, the Apple Store or other exotic cities..

As to not raise suspicion of the nosey neighbours and police helicopters, I suggested that he disguise it as an outhouse and indicated that I know where he would find some corrugated iron for said teleportal machine..

E has since told me that when he was about 50, he realised that if he went into the future he could re-cycle old computer parts and build his own printer, which also made cups of tea with biscuits.

If only more people in the world had the vision that E does..  The world would have so much less congestion :)

What are lesions?

MS does it's damage by causing the nerves in localised areas in the brain and spinal cord to lose their protective sheaths, called myelin.

At first when the myelin is being attacked, the body brings a higher blood supply to the area to fight the attack and the area becomes swollen and inflamed. These areas now become "lesions." At this point, when they are inflamed and blood engorged, they are called "active lesions."

At first the nerves, themselves, haven't changed much and they appear (and have the same density) as the healthy areas around them. The body attempt to repair the damage that is being done and sometimes these areas re-myelinate. They may disappear from the next MRI. They aren't perfect in their function, but the area may return to a normal appearance.

If the nerves do not re-myelinate and the damage continues, for a long time the lesions sit as scars. These scarred areas have damaged and dying cells in them, the blood supply shrinks, and the areas become more dense - more dense than the normal brain around them. These are the classic MS plaques and are considered old lesions. They show up as the bright areas most of us have seen in pictures and on our films.

If the attack on the myelin sheath is too strong for the immune system to repair, more and more myelin disappears and the area of nerves eventually dies. Then it contracts and scars. The blood flow is decreased to that area and the body tries to reabsorb the dead area. It becomes "less dense" then the surrounding normal nerve tissue. After a longer time - probably years - the scar can reabsorb completely and the area becomes "empty." It's called a black hole.

How the MRI Shows These Different Stages of MS Lesions

When you image these lesions with an MRI you can see different things, depending on the technique, the age (stage) of the lesion, the power of the MRI, and whether contrast is used.

The first MRI image is done without contrast. This technique will show old lesions that are big enough to be seen by the power of that MRI machine. WE KNOW that many lesions in MS are too small to be seen. If the newer, more powerful MRI with a 3 Tesla magnet is used many more lesions will be seen (by at least 25%) than on the older 1.5 Tesla machines. The classic old, scarred, mature MS lesion is a little bit oval, will have well-defined borders and will be in the white matter. Characteristic places (but not the only places) are subcortical, peri-ventricular and in the corpus callosum. The classic MS lesion will also have it's long axis perpendicular to the ventricles of the brain. Also, important and very symptomatic lesions are found in the brainstem, the cervical and the thoracic spine. The spinal cord ends at the bottom of the thoracic spine, so there is no such thing as a lumbar spinal cord lesion in the normal spine.

The scarred lesions will show up as light, bright areas. These are the classic, MS lesions or "plaques." But, with just the regular MRI image one can NOT say if it is old and dormant or if it has active inflammation in it.

Now the very old, scarred ones that have been reabsorbed will show up as a black (empty) space or black hole. If there are many of these empty areas the brain will contract around them eventually and show up as a loss of brain volume. This is also know as brain atrophy. This is particularly seen in the progressive types of MS. In brain atrophy there will be an increased space between the skull and the brain. Also the deep folds in the brain will appear widened.

However, a newly active MS lesion may not show up on a regular MRI because the area of nerves, though inflamed, is still pretty much intact and has normal brain density. On the MRI it will look like normal brain. Without contrast it won't show up and will be missed.

When the next phase of MRI is done the contrast is in the blood vessels. Anywhere the blood vessels are more dilated than usual, bringing more blood to the area, as in inflammation, the areas will "highlight" or "enhance." They show up as even brighter than the brain around them and brighter than an old, scarred lesion. So new lesions will show up as "enhancing," or "active". Also, older lesions, that have undergone a new attack right around them (also called reactivation) will show an enhancing rim or ring. When you compare the regular MRI to the Contrast MRI you can see this reactivated, old lesion.

That's how some reports can call active lesions or some report no newly enhancing lesions (these say the same thing). Also since some new ones heal they can be compared to old films and show they disappeared. In addition, between different sets of MRI done after a time has passed, the radiologist can see an increase in old and in new activity.

Might wanna take some time off work for Geoff's Prune Brownies....

Chocolate Prune Brownies


Soak 300g of prunes in 200ml of hot black tea for 3 days (or cognac or brandy)
My note:  Please ensure that you allow ample time for this to occur. Some suggestions may be to take some time off work for this part of the recipe or to put the prunes in a thermos or a crockpot just so the black tea remains hot for the whole 3 days. Alternatively you could take the prunes to work with you to ensure the tea remains hot. My mother keeps icing warm by shoving it between her breasts (in a plastic bag of course), you might get away with this practice at work.  If this is the case, it is advised not to wear a lot cut top or swimwear.  If you have no boobs, please buy a thermos.

Preheat oven to 170, grease and line rectangular cake tin (20×30x4)
My note: You might wanna do this on the 3rd day, not the first just to save energy.

Melt 300g dark choc (min 55% – I used 70%), 80g unsalted butter and 200g caster sugar in a bain marie, stirring til melted (10min). Ensure water doesn’t touch bottom of bowl. Set aside to cool.
My note: as above.

Use an electric mixer to beat in 4 eggs, one at a time.
My note:  It is unclear whether you have to use 4 separate bowls for the 4 separate eggs.. I bucked with the trend here and couldn't be bothered beating them one at a time, and I threw 'em all in together, lets face it, they are all going to be together eventually.

Sift together 55g plain flour, 40g cocoa, half tsp salt and 2 tsp of baking powder and add to chocolate mixture. Mix until combined.
My note: Combined into what? I presume this is where you add the eggs too, though the recipe isn't all that clear on where these stupid eggs come into it. However, I told you the eggs would have to come together eventually.

Add prunes and liquid, 100g sour cream and 140g of dark choc melts ( I added some pistachios cause I had used 70% choc and thought it was intense enough). Stir until just combined.
My note: Good lord!

Bake for one hour. Test it is set by placing your hand in the centre and wobbling it. Mine took more like 50 minutes.

Allow to cool in tin before turning out. Cut into pieces with a hot knife. (I found this very tricky as it started to break when I tried to turn it out).
My note:  It is NOT advised to stick the knife between your boobs to warm it up as advised above with the prunes.. It is advised to heat the knife in hot water.

Considering that PRUNES are great for those who suffer from constipation, it is advised that you may want to limit your intake of these brownies..  Otherwise, you might wanna take some more time off work.

Good luck!

Scoring tonights Roast Pork....

2302hrs: The score is Aaron 6, Sal 8 and Barb 4.  Wish Dad was here.

A baby's rattle for Baby Cedric....

After a visit to the Pharmacy today and I spent an ASTRONOMICAL amount of $$ on friggin vitamins and am now on a cocktail of colourful pills ranging from a little pill to something that resembles a suppository for a horse (or other large mammal, please feel free to use your imagination on that one).

I am now supplementing my diet with the following:

Vitamin D3 1000IU x2 in summer x4 in winter
St John's Wart (stress and anxiety)
Ginko Biloba (mental stamina)
Multi vitamin
Fish Oil
Iron and Vit C

I figure there are a few bonus's to this new regime of pill taking:

1. I will drink more water, because I reckon I need about 500mls of water just to be able to swallow them all.
2. I will double as a baby's rattle (I am considering hiring myself out to be used as such - the income I receive from this service may actually pay for the pharmacy bills).
3. I may actually feel better in the long run.
4. I could make a mosaic out of the pills when I get sick of taking them and sell it on eBay.

If you can think of other bonus's please feel free to advise.

I know I said that I wouldn't end up like this, but it really is just a trial.. Lets see how I feel after one month.. Will becoming a babies rattle make me feel any better?

Today is day 1 of the trial...  Let's hope that I can remember to take the supplements on a daily basis.. Readers please feel free to remind me at regular intervals :)

Anyone for roast tofu?

Hmmmm yum.. Sounds delicious doesn't it?

I sit here with Mum and Aaron having finished a lovely roast pork dinner with all the trimmings to test the new oven, Mum is reading "Overcoming Multiple Sclerosis" by Professor George Jelinek.

They are reading all about the diet that a person with MS should have. Cut out animal fats, diary products and hidden saturated fats.  He suggests calling yourself a "veggie aquan" or "aqua vegan" so in other words, a vegetarian who eats seafood.  I should not be eating pork (oh whoops!) damnit, damnit, damnit because it's my favorite roast.  Don't get me wrong, I love veggies, and I grow quite a few in my garden, but I am not sure I could go without meat.

So, I need to come to terms with tofu?  How about roast tofu in the shape of a chicken topped with roasted almonds and washed down with red wine. Stuff it, I am just going straight to the red wine. I had tofu in my laksa the other day.  I bought it home and used it to scrub my feet because I had to throw out my pumice stone recently due to an unfortunate incident with a sledge hammer (don't ask). Note to self: buy a new a new pumice stone.

Are they serious? How can they expect a carnivore from a dairy farming family to survive?  No steak? No chicken? Veggie stock instead of chicken/beef stock.. More veggie soups?

On the upside, it does indicate that I should avoid eggs and egg products.. This works to my benefit because I believe that eggs are just wrong because they come out of a chooks arse.  Lets look at it this way... Who on earth was the first person to say "I am gunna eat the first thing that comes out of that birds arse".  So needless to say, I am happy about the "say no to bumnuts" thing.. I'll adhere to that one.

Mother is reading about statistics now.. and I have made one up all on my own.. I would suggest that most of these statistics are particially made up.. So here is mine: 99.8% of MS patients read, so therefore reading is unhealthy.. It makes sense right?  There it is folks, close this blog and don't read it, because it's unhealthy.. You never know where these dirty words have been.. Please ensure that you wash your hands and clean your teeth after reading this blog, just to be sure.

Love you long time......

Diseases, Diets and Doctors...

I was having a chat to an old friend yesterday who is good for an unbiased second opinion on shit that is going though my head.

During the conversation he was asking about my situation. During my rant (voicing whatever was in my head) I voiced something that I hadn't thought of which upset me.

I am a large figured woman.  I am certainly not a stick figure, I am more like the Dawn French's of the world. I have always been a big girl, I am used to it.  It's not like I line up at McDonalds and KFC every day, quite the opposite.. I eat lots of fruit and veg and lean meat.. Most "fast food" repulses me and is not really something that I crave.  Although I have been craving KFC, but I soon turn myself off it by thinking that it's cooked in the spit of a thousand camels and that soon turns me off.

So, the general consensus is when someone sees a fatty is that we are "unhealthy".  Because of course, if you look closely, we have oil seeping out of our pores and bits of meat stick between our teeth..

My point here is that, as a buxom woman I have walked into Doctors rooms and been judged.  How many times have I gone in to see the Doctor because I have a cold or need a pap smear and been told "you need to loose weight". No shit Sherlock!   However, what humors me is that these comments come from Doctors who have NEVER seen me before.  How do they know that I haven't just lost 20 kgs thanks to a strict diet?   Do they honestly think that I don't know that I am overweight?  Do I look/sound like I lick windows because I don't know the difference between right and wrong?  Seriously!

Fortunately for me I have a great GP now who even gives me a hug after a Pap Smear..

Sorry, I got off my point..  My point is..  Even though I am a fatty I am active, happy..  I have been told that I really should loose weight because I will be more healthy, I really should loose weight and be happier..  I really should loose weight so I can have kids.  Yup, yup, yup....

HOWEVER, why is it that in the last four months I have been ailed by two separate things that are NOT related to my weight issue?  If I had been diagnosed with diabetes, heart issues, fatty liver etc then I would understand that COULD be related to my weight.  But, no.. Cancer and MS certainly are not related to my weight issue. 

So, whilst I understand that I am over weight and need to drop kilo's because, lets face it, I could still have issues with diabetes etc maybe being overweight isn't so unhealthy after all.

Ok, I think I am over it now.

Star signs... WTF???

The Moon's entry into emotional Cancer is not necessarily nurturing or gentle today as it opposes ruthless Pluto and squares Uranus, Jupiter and Saturn. Additionally, retrograde Mercury backs up between the Sun and the Earth, aligning our intentions with our thoughts, but it's difficult to get them out into the open. Arguing with a friend or lover about something unimportant pulls us further off course when Venus semisquares the Sun and Mercury.

I am confused.....  Let's try that again....

Friday, Sep 3rd, 2010 --
Your thoughts could take others for a ride today, but just because your ideas are far out doesn't necessarily make them better. Instead of rambling on and spinning tales of remote lands, try to keep your thinking process closer to home. Talking about your feelings and your needs will encourage intimacy between you and your loved ones instead of increasing the distance.

Are they serious?  I am like this everyday!  I quite often get my wonderful ideas poopoo'd (have you noticed that "poo" is today's theme word)..  I wouldn't dare mention my ideas in here in fear of someone taking the credit for my ideas.. This would upset me, a great deal.

Although I do think that I come up with some wonderful ideas that could potentially be million dollar money spinners the person I bounce most of these ideas off poopoo's them and doesn't take me seriously.  Although it often distresses me that he discounts my wonderful ideas such as a new concept for kitty litter using a natural resource that is readily available. 

I long for the day he takes me seriously enough.  That being said, I won't hold my breath.

Sorry, I am rambling....

I feel like I need to have some lunch..  Maybe this will relieve the headache I have..

Poo, poo, poo, poo, poo....

I really should give a shit. But in reality... I don't.

P&O the "we'll charge random strangers drinks to your credit card" Ship :)

Recently I went on a cruise with my Parents and Sister.  It was supposed to be 10 nights of smooth sailing, rest and relaxation.  SUPPOSED TO BE!

Although it was a nice break, it is now a distant memory and probably a waste of money in hindsight because of everything else that's happened.

Anyway, on the last day of the cruise I got my bill, and some random nuffy has charged $30 odd to my card for beer and cocktails..  So I discuss this with the other nuffy's at the reception desk.  I was handed a form "please fill this in and it will be credited to your credit card".. Long story short, some two months after the cruise that money for the alcohol I WISH I had drunk still has not been credited to my ailing credit card.

Right, so.. I got out my soap box and I stood firmly on it, puffed up my chest and took another steroid pill and rang P&O preparing to bite someone's head off and put on my best fowl attitude only to be disappointed by getting a Customer Service Rep (Nathan) who was exceptionally efficient, friendly and really couldn't do enough for me. DAMNIT! Disappointed! Why couldn't I have got a rude one? Maybe I hadn't arched up enough? Maybe I hadn't given the roids enough time to kick in? Have I lost my touch?

Needless to say, Nathan has taken on the task of ensuring that my issue is dealt with. Maybe he sensed the fact that I had the intention of ripping his head off.. Therefore he has the sense of fear..  He better be scared, cause if it isn't resolved, I'll let fly with two roid tablets!

Karra's Dinner

I came home tonight to the sound of sizzling stirfry on the stove.

Karra, god bless her cotton socks, was cooking a chicken stirfry.  Not that I expect to be thought of when she is cooking for herself, but it was nice to not have to think about what to cook for dinner.

Thanks Karra.

The Mentalheads...

For the purpose of this post, previous and future posts, and to protect the innocent I will refer to my two crazy cats as the "Mentalheads".

 Mostly I refer to them as the "Mentalheads" because they are exactly that.  Special little furry people who are mental.

Cali:
Is 7 years old. She has the biggest bluest eyes and when they look up at me they say "FEED ME because I am a staving little beafrian".

Cali's favorite pass times include:

• Frolicking in the backyard she can go eat grass and vomit it back up again right at the back door so you can step in it when you walk out.
• Harassing the Indian Minor Birds that perch on the neighbour's TV aerial.
• Ignoring humans.
• Practicing safe "stranger danger" drills by hiding in the coffee table when there is a strange noise or knock at the door.
• Avoiding the vacuum cleaner at all costs, regardless of whether it is being used or not. It is important to take precautions and give it a wide berth when walking past just in case it roars into life unexpectedly.
• Pooing in the bathtub.
• Catching moths and crickets and bringing them to me as presents.
• Carrying around her best buddy "Playbear" who is a purple stuffed bear and talking to him, mostly late at night.
• Plotting Gidget's demise.
• Opening cupboards and doors just for shits n giggles.
• Using the hallway as a runway.
• Quality assurance checks on groceries.
• Spending quality time with her Pa, Ma and Aunty Kez.

Gidget:
Is roughly about 4 years old.  She chose me.  She had been abandoned at a Hotel in Gundagai that I was staying at whilst I was on a work junket.  My fellow colleagues peer pressured me into taking her home because I was the only human she would go to or have a bar of. 

Gidget is deaf and does not understand the difference between an "inside voice" and an "outside voice", however this does not stop me from yelling at her when needed, then realising that there is no point to it.

I have a recording of the average morning vocals on my mobile as my sms tone. This serves a few purposes:

• It is great to see people's reactions in random places such as lifts, shopping centres and Chinese restaurants.
• It reminds me that I should be home at reasonable hours so I do not get a lecture as I drive in the driveway.
• It is different to everyone else's ring tones. So I don't have to do the "quick draw" when in a meeting and everyone has their iphone set to the same sms tone because they don't know how to change it, 12 o'clock flasher style.  

 There is a picture of Gidget in a previous post sitting on my CT Scans. 

 Gidget's favorite pass times include:

• Chasing a laser light up and down the hallway.
• Harassing Cali when she is trying to use the "kitten's powder room"
• Plotting the death of "Cindy" the neighbourhood stray who looks remarkably like her and is her arch Nemesis.
• Telling the world just how she feels by expressing herself vocally with no decorum whatsoever.
• Headbutting an intended victim, sometimes continuously to get her point across. The chosen victim may have no idea what her point is and move away in confusion.
• Dominating the sofa.
• Lying in the front window of the house waiting for me to arrive home. Then proceeding to voice loudly in disgust at the late hour in which I choose to come home by pacing backwards and forwards up the window sill meowing, again with no decorum.
• Visiting neighbours which could also be seen as "Neighbourhood Patrol".
• Assisting in the mowing of lawns, gardening and hanging out of washing.
• Supervising tradesmen (which includes headbutting and voicing her opinion on their workmanship).
• Spreading as much kitty litter around the laundry as kittenly possible.
• Supervising human toilet breaks and shower rituals.
• Harassing her Pa, Ma, Aunty Kez and Aunty Karra.
• Swearing at Vets (oh my bleeding ears!).
• Mousing (which for a deaf cat, she is pretty darn good at).

I hope this clears up your questions about who the "Mentalheads" are.  :)

Wise words from me to you...

Don't question the sisterhood.. Just accept it.  Even if you are a bloke.


Ok, so maybe these words aren't so wise.. Maybe they are more meaningful.  Well, maybe they are only meaningful to some.. And in saying "some", I don't mean that you have to wear special pants, conduct and participate in secret ceremonies (which may or may not involve window licking and/or watching re-runs of Gilmore Girls, MacGyver or the Twilight Trilogy) or anything to be part of the sisterhood, you just have to be you :)

You know who you are and you are loved.... UNCONDITIONALLY.

Right, now... I'll go put the popcorn on, grab the bag of M&M's and make us a cup of coffee while you load the DVD and find yourself a comfy spot on the sofa between the Mentalheads.

Barb's Potato Chip Biscuits

Ingredients
500grams of butter
3.5 cups of plain flour
125grams of crushed flaked almonds
1.5 cups caster sugar
2 teaspoons of vanilla essence OR 2 teaspoons of almond essence
100grams crushed PLAIN potato chips (Barb's comment: I use SMITH's chips)

Method
Cream butter and sugar and essence using an electric mixer.
Now, by hand, add almonds, chips and flour and stir well.
This should be a soft mix.  Take teaspoons full and place on greased tray or bake paper on tray, flatten slightly with fingers (or fork).  Cook in a moderate oven (Editor's note: about 160 degrees) for 20 minutes or till golden.
When cool sprinkle with icing sugar mix (not cornflour as I did and had to brush off and start again!).
Makes approx 100.  Keep well in a sealed container.

Happy cooking :)  Barb.

Wise words from Ed

"Work to your strengths and don't deny them"!

Wise words indeed Ed, wise words indeed. 

I can't even remember what we were talking about and you popped up with such wise words randomly out of a work related conversation which seem quite appropriate to me at the moment.  Even though you have no clue what has been going on in my life.

Thank you Ed.. A conversation with you always guarantees a laugh.

Keep on smilin :)

Wise words from Aunty Maxine

Life is full of suffering. But out of suffering comes joy, love, tolerance, patience, understanding, strength, resilience and compassion.

Live for the moment, live for today.

One week of solace

Ok, so it's been a week since my last entry.  Slack? Hell yes!

So, lets go for a bit of a trip back in time and see if I can remember what occurred excluding gory details such as what underwear I was wearing on which day.  However, on that note, I am pretty confident that I did change them on a regular basis, my mind hasn't completely failed me just yet.

Right, so Saturday I had the melt down at the Fruit Market.. Memorable moment, not sure I will ever forget that one.

Sunday: to be honest, I have no freakin clue what I did on Sunday.  Clearly, it was a day lost in time.

Monday, The Hobbit arrived early at home, and we drove into work..  Hang on, Mum was there..

Revised Sunday: Mum arrived!

Tuesday: Mum, Aaron and I went off to visit my new best friend Dr O. (the Opthamologist). Test after test after test I actually think that my eyesight is better than it was before the Optic Neuritis.. Maybe the Steroids have fixed me right up! When I asked Dr O. if I could drive he indicated that I have been able to drive all along. "You can see can't you? Then that means you can drive" Grrrr, after my "so called" best friend Dr H. the Neurologist told me not to drive until I got the all clear from Dr O... I wish they would make up their mind.

Wednesday: Mum went home as she had judging duties in The Bay. The Hobbit arrived and I drove to work with her in the passenger seat giving me dutch courage (of the verbal variety, not the alcoholic variety). Got knows we don't want a drunk chick with MS on the roads, I am already dizzy enough.. I wonder if I dye my hair blonde if I could really get away with being a dizzy blonde).. end of random thought.  Right now, what are we up to?  I think from memory I was in a foul mood this day. I don't really know why.

Thursday!: Took the day off as Doug and Gus the Glaziers were arriving the the kitchen splashback (which by the way looks tremendous). Inspector Gidget was getting under their feet during her Supervising duties, so I decided to lock her in the guest room so they could get on with their job.  When I opened up the door the stench almost knocked me over, turns out the pipes behind the bathroom vanity are leaking (again!) and well, let's just say that the water on the floor was a little bit carpety... Unimpressed!
Phone call to plumber and bathroom reno moron (reno only done in August 2009) and plumber is on my door step first thing Friday morning. Reno moron doesn't give a shit, cause.. Well... he's a dodgyarsed moron. The appropriate colour underwear for today should have been brown, because I had the shits.

Friday: Frank the plumber on the door step first thing in the morning.  Fixes the Reno moron's fuck up which takes most of the day and leaves at 1300hrs. 
I had good intentions of getting to work that day (I was dressed appropriately and everything!).. But at 1300hrs is there any point in driving in?
Waved goodbye to my neighbours who were off on a much needed holiday on the high seas on a cruise to the Pacific Isles, god bless their cotton socks.
Took carpet off cut from foyer to the RSPCA, found the MS Society HQ (didn't have the guts to go in though), stopped at PetCare 2000 for Mentalhead supplies. Then home.
The Hobbit dropped in for a coffee to check out the glass splashback and I went to bed early.

Saturday: (white undies? bad choice of a pub crawl) PUB DAY! Drove into the City and did a team building pub crawl with colleagues.

Sunday: (black undies) A day of peace... Breakfast.. Had a waah, got over it quick smart after I realised I wasn't wearing waterproof mascara (stupid move! Especially for a weekend cause that's predominantly when I have melt downs).  Went for a walk around The Markets with Lyndi. Chilled out in the sunshine.. Drove home.. Wrecked.. So camped my fat arse on the sofa (after feeding the Mentalheads) and zonked, had an sms fight with Jason which put me in the mood for brown undies, and a conversation with Bloke which is always rewarding and good for a laugh.

Monday (today): (mauve undies) I've forgotten my MP3 player.. dammit!  I heard Colin swear! Holy snappin duck ringtones.. I've NEVER heard him swear before!  Six weeks today since I had my cervical cancer operation, which means of course, that I can now officially have a bath!

Today I sent an email about a broken microwave in our kitchen to two completely unrelated people.. Clearly my brain isn't in the right gear this morning/afternoon and I have completely lost it.  I need to remember to take things slower and not go at things like a bull at a gate and trust my instinct like I used to be able to do. I need to remember that I am not who I used to be, and I can no longer trust myself.

Off to Aaron's for dinner tonight. Ear still blocked.. I really should go see Dr GP about that.

Meltdowns in Winter

Today's melt down was shamedly bought to you by the local fruit and veg store.

I am starting to see a trend.. Melt downs happen on a Saturday.. Convenient really.

A toast to unintentional haunting ...

It was pointed out to me today that my ex has a Facebook Appreciation page named in his honour.  All I could do was laugh.  Strangely enough, people think he's a decent member of society.. Frankly I think he is a ...., but, each to their own. 

For the purpose of this blog I will refer to him only as @@@@, cause he doesn't deserve a word.

One of his "admirers" states: "Hey @@@@, Sally asked how could she get her knickers back that she left at your place."
@@@@ replies: "Do you have a last name on "Sally"?
Admirer: "Mustang" Sally Jones"     **Insert my hysterical laughter**
@@@@: "Let's chat about this offline hon"
Admirer: "Sure but Sally is not happy... She said they were worth fifty odd bucks"


**Insert MORE hysterical laughter from me**

OMG, I needed that laugh, @@@@'s mind must have been going a million miles an hour thinking it was me. I hope this bought on a brain aneurysm!

I mean seriously, anyone who knows me well, would realise that it can't be me. I wouldn't ever spend that kind of money on knickers, let alone leave them behind.

SING WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.

I sleep all night and I work all day.


He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.

He sleeps all night and he works all day.


I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.

I go to the lavatory.

On Wednesdays I go shoppin'

And have buttered scones for tea.


He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.

He goes to the lavatory.

On Wednesdays he goes shoppin'

And has buttered scones for tea.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.

He sleeps all night and he works all day.


I cut down trees. I skip and jump.

I like to press wild flowers.

I put on women's clothing

And hang around in bars.


He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.

He likes to press wild flowers.

He puts on women's clothing

And hangs around in bars?!

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.

He sleeps all night and he works all day.


I cut down trees. I wear high heels,

Suspendies, and a bra.

I wish I'd been a girlie,

Just like my dear Papa.


He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,

Suspendies, and a bra?!

[talking]

What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My!

And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!

[singing]

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.

He sleeps all night and he works all day.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaay.

He sleeps all night and he works all day.

Message from the Editor...

Apparently my spelling leaves little to be desired by a certain avid reader...   Whilst I appreciate this particular person's input and love him dearly, I have the following message for him:

T'is mi blog.. Ifs I's wanna mak spellin mesktaks I wil.. Sew, BITE ME!

Words of Wisdom from Lyndi

1."Stop saying sorry" - Yeah alright, Jen and Shaz tell me the same thing, but I just cannot break the habit.


2. "God you can talk some shit" - Yes, yes I do..  Which then lead onto the next WoW


3."You should do a creative writing course!" - Bloody brilliant!

Swiss cheese and floor boards

Day 4 in the salt mines..

CHAOS!!!!!!

The office is abuzz with pigeon poo on shoulders, white shirts, blue shirts and some form of mock scenario going on (unrelated to me destroying the Golf Club of a certain coastal town). I just have to remember to duck whenever I go near the war room in fear of being smacked in the head with a flying acronym.

Only my left ear is blocked.  It's starting to drive me a little batty, and I think it might be middle ear because my vertigo is slightly worse than normal.. What is normal?

I am tempted to unplug my phone, would that be wrong?  Hmm, I thought so, considering I am expecting a call from a VIP (the P doesn't stand for person).  Whoops, I will refrain from using acronyms here, because there is a time and a place, and the blog isn't it!

Lyndi is right, I really do carry on with some shit.

So, Day 3 of floor installation at home, and it's almost done. "Vogel, Vogen or whatever the fuck his name is" (the official name I have given him mostly because I am too lazy to learn the correct pronounciation of his name, but gee he does a great job) turned up this morning to finish it off.  So tonight I will come home to a finished floor! No more walking on rough concrete floors, so damned excited it's not funny!

ICON training, childrens books and Apricot Chicken

Day Three in the salt mines.

I forgot I was in ICON training today with our sister agency.

The view from the back of the room where I sit with Lyndi and Colin is most appealing, especially when the rest of my colleagues stand up for breaks.

Lyndi has her eye on a certain colleague who she things might be alright for Karra. I am not sure Karra would "tap that" because he might be a bit old for her.  I have asked her if she would be interested in a "Sugar Daddy".. Thus far, she hasn't responded favorably.

My ICON scenario involves the destruction of the town I was born in.  My plan mostly revolves around the elimination of the Golf Course and Cucumber and Cheese sandwiches being available in Mrs Milsom's Winnebago at the airport before the residents of the town depart on an Airbus 380 en route to the Maldives with a one way ticket in hand.

I am also planning the establishment of some kind of post destruction infrastructure that includes an asylum for wives of golfers who have lost their will to live seeing as there is no longer a golf course in the town (cause I destroyed it in my scenario).  There is some concern about the Bus Stop in the main street as well as the Council Chambers, however it's not high on the priority because only about 13 people's careers are at stake.

So far, I have Bloke as the Dozer Supervisor, Colin, Lyndi, Karra and Lee as Helicopter Air Attack Supervisors. Shaz and Jen as Cruise Directors in Boats (it sounded good at the time).

Lyndi has just come up with a bloody brilliant idea... I should go do a creative writing course..  Damned fine idea.. I will look into that, because I have often thought about writing children's books.  INSPIRATION!

Anyway, back to whatever it was I was talking about. 

I forgot lunch today.

My ears are blocked and have been for a number of days, and everything tastes funny.

Anthony is pinching strawberries, which reminds me I have strawberries and blueberries in the fridge, I better do something with them when I get home from work.  What am I going to do with them?  Lyndi thinks that I should go and get some merange cups, mix the fruit with some tia maria.. Leave them to marinate while I am having dinner, buy some "shhhhhhhhh" cream (in a can) and put the fruit in cups and then squirt cream all over them.  But, the next question is what's for dinner?  Well.. "oh... ahhhh" NOTHING.. I will just have the fruit for dinner.

Last nights dinner was Apricot Chicken inspired by Karra who had a craving.  Lyndi is going to have Lamb.. Though, now I think she is inspired by the Apricot Chicken.. Please see Mum's recipe below:

A BBQ chicken
A packet of either French Onion Soup OR an Apricot Chicken Curry Mix thingo which is like a Continental mix
An Onion chopped
A LARGE tin/container of Apricot Nectar
A tin of Apricot halves (I cut them in half again so they are quarters, but that's at your discretion)
Due to me being an alcoholic (joking!) I do put in a cup of white wine but that's at your discretion also.

Throw it all in a pot, slow cook it for 40 minutes (or you can cook the onion first with the wine). Serve with Rice. 

Right, now.. Back to the destruction of my home town.

MattI is looking for Lyndi.. Cause she has gone to powder her nose.  I've told him basically that I am not her keeper. He called me a smartarse and clearly didn't appreciate me pointing her out when she was standing beside him.  Lyndi has warned him that I no longer have any decorum. Needless to say I took much joy in paging him to adivse him that she is going to lunch, I should beware of the backlash.

Right, now..  It's lunchtime.

NOTE to Proofreader:  Please note that spelling mistakes have been amended 19/08/10 1521hrs.

First day back...

What an emotional rollercoaster that was!

Sharon "The Hobbit" has been driving me to work while I am banished from getting behind the wheel.  We got into the office at 0830hrs... I didn't get to my desk until 1030hrs.  Questions, questions, questions...

My colleagues have been super supportive and understanding. It's amazing how bad news travels fast in this place. I guess it really does show that people care, and that we are just one big happy family here.

God came and saw me today.. We had a bit of chat.  He has been a pillar of strength and has ensured that I have a sounding board.

I am glad to be back at work, I need the routine, I need the chatter, I need the pisstaking mostly I need the interaction.

These people are crazy, but god I love them.

Words of Wisdom from Wendy

Wendles says "Tell us about how you are coping being stuck at home (I could relate). Maybe we can give you some ideas to help with any boredom?"

I've had plenty to do at home..  Because of the kitchen reno, I've had painting and little things to do.  I've done a bit of a cull of equipment in the kitchen to go to good will, I've been able to do some of those dreadful jobs that have been loitering such as cleaning up the back shed and garage.

I've found medical information and x-rays for the purpose of showing my Neurologist.. I've gone through the food in my pantry and thrown out anything out of date.

There has been moments of boredom, however I have come online and blogged or chatted on MSN.  The phone has been well used from loved ones checking on me and making sure I am not wallowing (there has been some of that in the last two weeks to be honest).

I've had the two monsters to keep me company (though I wouldn't recommend their chicken soup).. Gidget hasn't left my side.. Cali is indifferent, but does know that something is going on because she hasn't really strayed far either.

So, I haven't been that bored, nor have I gone without anything because the shops are a 15 minute walk away.

CT Scan

Yesterday I found the CT Scan I have been looking for.

It's dated 18 January 2000.  Wow, 10 years ago..

It reads:
CT Brain:
Clinical history of increading memory loss of the last six months is noted.
5mm adial sections of the skull base and 10mm axial sections of the rest of the brain to the vertex pre and post contrast were performed (wtf?).
No focal abnormal attenuation is noted in brain parenchyma (yay! I think). Ventricles and sulci appear normal. No midline shifting is noted.  No abnormal enhancement is noted after IV contrast.
Conclusion:
No abnormality is noted.

Now, ordinarily that is great.. However, it really upset me. If the Neurologist says that I have had MS for "sometime" due to the deteriation of my brain now, does that mean that something wasn't picked up back in 2000?

Am I thinking about this too much? Most probably. But regardless of that, it did certainly mess with my emotions (hence last night's blog).

Gidget sitting on my CT (cat) Scan's. Seemed appropriate.

At the stroke of midnight..

Why is it at night that I start to feel like having a melt down?
Tonight I can't sleep.  My mind is running a marathon, or at least trying to.
Tonight is different, tonight I am asking that question that everyone said I would.. and I said I wouldn't.
WHY ME?

What is the purpose of this condition? Why does it even exist? Is there a god? Maybe I am the weakest link and it's time to start to weed me out, but leave me with enough capacity to do some good before I meet my demise?

Tonight as I stood in the shower, enjoying the hot water on a chilly night.. I stared at the floor.  Those grey floor tiles and I cursed the bathroom reno guy for not following my instructions in leaving out the shower hub because I thought to myself "how am I going to get a wheelchair in here?"..  What kind of thoughts are those?  I mean .. seriously.. what am I thinking?

Who seriously wants to get a phone call at midnight from a blubbering fool who is crying over a fucking shower hub?  But secretly thinks "I am probably going to have to have someone shower me in a few years.." what kind of life is that?  So, my chosen victim is more than likely bedded down for the night, and should think themselves lucky they didn't answer their text. 

How do you feel?

Dizzy and jittery..  Could be because I am SERIOUSLY over the kitchen renovation.  I am convinced that it will NEVER be finished. 

Or, it could be the paint fumes..

I think it's chocolate pudding time.

Frustration...

Not being able to drive is becoming very frustrating for me.

Today I tried to get in to see my new best friend the Opthamologist Dr O.  Lo and behold he is booked out till mid September, it's a good thing I have an appointment on the 24th August, but it's still a week away.  Then another appointment with my other new best friend my Neurologist Dr H. at the Hospital on the 7th September to tell me how much irreparable damage has been done to my poor old brain.

I struggle with the lack of Independence. I detest having to rely on other people, and feel like I am a real inconvenience.

I can hear you groaning right now as you read this.  Now stop groaning.. Resist the urge to ring me and abuse me, cause lets face it, this is MY blog and the only way I am expressing myself. So, let me have my say while I can manage to string a sentence together and not forget what I am saying halfway though.

I made a quiche today :)

I understand that at some point in time I have to give up my independence but let me tell you, it's going to be a struggle and I won't be happy about it.

From the very beginning...

Stay with me with this, it's a big long winded and somewhat boring/confusing...

Picture yourself on a cruise.. a P&O Cruise, laying on a deck chair, the sun is shining, you can hear the faint sound of waves of the ocean lapping on the side of the boat and the ice clinking in your lemon, lime and bitters. You can see nothing but ocean.

Wish it was you? Yeah.. Me to.

Here's the reality.

This is the holiday I was having before facing surgery for cervical cancer four days after I got back to Sydney.  This is the holiday I needed so I could chill out after a stressful few years at work.  This is the holiday before I started major renovations on my house when I got back.

On a P&O cruise with a head cold, fortunately, no sea sickness. Battled with headaches and annoying cough for more or less the whole 10 nights. Poor loving sister for having to share a cabin with me. Stressing out about surgery on the 19th July and secretly wishing I had taken more time off work to have some "me" time.

Get back to Sydney on the 15th July.  Cervical Op on the 19th. Somewhere between those dates I lost 90% of my vision in my right eye, experiencing headache around the eye socket and pressure behind the eye. Everything was in a fog on my right hand side.  Thinking it was stress, I pretty much ignored it and carried on regardless.

Eventually it got the better of me, and I went to see my GP.. Just my luck, they are closed for a system upgrade.  So off to a neighbouring suburb I go to see another GP who informs me that I have a sinus infection behind the eye and to take a course of antibiotics and "you'll be right".  Gut instinct told me to get a second opinion, so the next day I finally got in to see my own GP.  She said that GP no.1 could be right or it could be something more sinister and referred me to an Ophthalmologist (eye specialist) the very next day.

Wow, I didn't realise how draining it would be to write about this. *deep breath*.

Only the best... Somewhat.

A friend recently said:
"Any normal person would just go for Single Sclerosis, but of course you "had" to have more ;)"

Only the best for me! Yes, I have had a bad run, but I figure I have two options.. 1. Wallow in the shit that has gone down and become a victim.. OR 2. Take a spoonful of cement and harden the fuck up and get on with life. It could be worse, I could step out on the road and be hit by a garbage truck and be a vegetable surrounded by flies for the rest of my life.

I figure I have a second chance now. I guess I should stop mucking around and start to spend less time at work and concentrate on my personal life.  Maybe it's time I got serious, finish off these house renovations and get my arse into gear.

Eventually I might need a carer, someone to wipe my bottbott. I guess if I was the victim of a garbologist I wouldn't be aware of the poor soul with the unpleasant task of changing my nappy (note to self: buy pegs and duct tape).

I have found that there is a group of MS Teamsters who meet in a neighbouring suburb.  I am not sure what they do, I am not even sure if I should approach/contact them.  Am I ready for that?  Support units, I guess they have a purpose and it might be good to make new friends especially if they can offer some answers to the questions that are rolling around in my head.

A purpose to seek NORMAL

The purpose of this blog is to establish some form of vehicle to publish my thoughts, record happenings, review how I feel since my diagnosis and establish what is NORMAL for me. It will also serve as a tool for me to remember what I have experienced, seeing as the grey matter is failing.

Normal… What is normal now? Is this normal? Or as normal as I am going to be? Because if it is, and you are reading this as one of my friends or family members, I humbly apologise, it can’t be easy.

I THOUGHT I was normal until I found out I had six (6) lesions in my brain. Surely they have been altering my day to day life in some way shape or form.  So what I think is normal, isn't.

I am becoming more aware of loosing my words, or getting my worms (words) wrong. I think I am saying the right thing, but it comes out all wrong.  I guess writing this blog is a good way of expressing myself with the handy ability of the edit functions and delete buttons.

Quality of Life?

Quality of life…… What thoughts do they conjur up in your mind when you hear them?

“Lets talk about your quality of life”…

Scares the pants off me.. I am not dying.. I might be rotting from the inside out in some way shape or form, but I am certainly not dying. So does this mean that I will have to be on medications for the rest of my life? When I jump up and down not only will I get black eyes from my boobs, but I will sound like a baby’s rattle? Good lord, I am not sure I am ready for that.

Life's like... a box of chocolates

As I sat on the couch tonight with one of my nearest and dearest, we discussed the establishment of a blog to keep my mind active and to record activities.


While we sat on the couch we took advantage of an innocent box of lindt chocolates.. On the back of the box, it said "Best Before End" as the used by date. It seemed appropriate.

So, life really is like a box of chocolates.. It's best before the end! Thanks Forrest Gump!