Kenny Rogers…. One of the world’s most famous musical artists…
I have had this song “The Gambler” in my head again for the last few days.
Lord knows I have tried to erase it by singing other ditties such as “Baby hit me one more time” by Brittany Spears and a Monty Python classic “I’m a Lumberjack” but to no avail. Maybe I should try a Justin Bieber song, that should do the trick, if only I knew one!
I now hope that this song is in your head, because if it is.. My job here is done. Enjoy the tunes!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn481KcjvMo
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Shopping is dangerous..
Yesterday I spent the day with my best friend Aaron.
We had a lovely leisurely breakfast in town teamed with a spot of people watching and then meandered onto the shops for some serious "Aaron's going on holidays" clothes shopping with me playing the part of his style guru..
Whilst I wouldn't let him buy yellow or green jeans due to the fact that in my opinion they just scream "LOOK AT ME I'M GAY!", I did let him buy a whole heap of other things including a red dress shirt that looked just spiffy!
Time for a quick haircut and a dash into a "closing down sale" on the main street. As we are walking out of the shop. I was walking and talking at the same time and not at all taking any notice of where I was stepping in my wedge heels and missed a step. Tumbling towards the ground at a fast pace I sensed impending doom and went to brace myself coupled with Aaron grabbing me from behind and a poor unsuspecting lady in a wheel chair who sadly happened to be closing in on me at an extraordinary pace. I am not sure if she was trying to break my fall or was just not realising she had a mad woman falling in front of her.
Needless to say, I did manage not to fall, I don't know how, what I do know if that my right shoulder took the brunt of it and I heard a deafening POP.. Closely followed by loss of sensation and feeling in my right arm and excruciating pain.
After assuring onlookers that I was perfectly fine, cursing myself for not looking where I was going and a painful hug from Aaron, he realised I was in trouble! I had dislocated my shoulder but it had popped back in again thankfully. Whilst I still had no sensation in my arm he manipulated and checked and and neither of us could hear anything untoward thankfully!
I guess being a St Johns Ambo DOES pay off!
How did we make ourselves feel better? Yep, that's right, we went shoe shopping! :)
We had a lovely leisurely breakfast in town teamed with a spot of people watching and then meandered onto the shops for some serious "Aaron's going on holidays" clothes shopping with me playing the part of his style guru..
Whilst I wouldn't let him buy yellow or green jeans due to the fact that in my opinion they just scream "LOOK AT ME I'M GAY!", I did let him buy a whole heap of other things including a red dress shirt that looked just spiffy!
Time for a quick haircut and a dash into a "closing down sale" on the main street. As we are walking out of the shop. I was walking and talking at the same time and not at all taking any notice of where I was stepping in my wedge heels and missed a step. Tumbling towards the ground at a fast pace I sensed impending doom and went to brace myself coupled with Aaron grabbing me from behind and a poor unsuspecting lady in a wheel chair who sadly happened to be closing in on me at an extraordinary pace. I am not sure if she was trying to break my fall or was just not realising she had a mad woman falling in front of her.
Needless to say, I did manage not to fall, I don't know how, what I do know if that my right shoulder took the brunt of it and I heard a deafening POP.. Closely followed by loss of sensation and feeling in my right arm and excruciating pain.
After assuring onlookers that I was perfectly fine, cursing myself for not looking where I was going and a painful hug from Aaron, he realised I was in trouble! I had dislocated my shoulder but it had popped back in again thankfully. Whilst I still had no sensation in my arm he manipulated and checked and and neither of us could hear anything untoward thankfully!
I guess being a St Johns Ambo DOES pay off!
How did we make ourselves feel better? Yep, that's right, we went shoe shopping! :)
Monday, March 14, 2011
To the people I love...
You know who you are...
I wouldn't be the person I am today without you..
I thank you for that.
Thank you for the hugs
Thank you for the advice
Thank you for the tears
Thank you for the laughs, oh so many laughs
Thank you for the lifetime of unconditional love and understanding
Thank you for putting up with my ups and downs
Thank you for the confessionals
Thank you for the confidentiality
Thank you for the coffee
Thank you for the wine
Thank you for coming into my life in some way shape or form
Thank you for being you
Love you long time xoxoxox
I wouldn't be the person I am today without you..
I thank you for that.
Thank you for the hugs
Thank you for the advice
Thank you for the tears
Thank you for the laughs, oh so many laughs
Thank you for the lifetime of unconditional love and understanding
Thank you for putting up with my ups and downs
Thank you for the confessionals
Thank you for the confidentiality
Thank you for the coffee
Thank you for the wine
Thank you for coming into my life in some way shape or form
Thank you for being you
Love you long time xoxoxox
Toilet paper...
It's funny isn't it how odd things trigger memories..
For me, one of those things is toilet paper.
Once again a story from when I had just moved from a small quaint country town to a raging metropolos of a major city..
I was in the ladies toilets of Town Hall train station... I had once again caught the wrong train, or I was swapping trains or something along those lines and had been desperate to use the amenties.. Perhaps I'd had a bad curry or something, I don't quite remember.. TMI? Yes, sorry.. Too much information.
ANYWAY.....
Here I am sitting in a stall... Mum's wise words ringing in my ears "Don't put your hand bag on the dirty floor, hang it on the back of the door or put it in your lap"....
The bathroom is busy.. Peak hour.. Women are coming and going... Perfumes come and go as does the chatter and clomping of heels on tiles.. As I am finishing off my business and go for the toilet paper, I am cleaning up and I hear a woman's voice from the stall beside me "Are you going to leave some toilet paper for others?" at first I didn't realise her agressive tone was directed at me, so I disregarded until I came out of the cubical and was confronted by a cowly looking woman who then proceeded to berate me loudly about the amount of toilet paper I had just "consumed" leaving the rest of the women in the city toilet paperless.
Please bare in mind I didn't think that I had consumed an excessive amount of toilet paper, nor did I think my own Mother would have disapproved of my usage.
Obviously as a young country girl I apologised and considered myself "told" and went scarpering with my tail between my legs being concious of the amount of water I used whilst washing my hands as she watched me. I assume she got great delight out of screaming at me like a banchee in the tiled arena of the ladies toilet.. I hope she enjoyed that moment, because if she had done it to me now that I am older and wiser I would have knocked her down a peg or two..
To this day, some 16 years later, I wonder where that woman is... I'd like to buy her a pack of toilet paper (Quilton of course, only the best) just to spite her..
Fuck her and her soap box!
For me, one of those things is toilet paper.
Once again a story from when I had just moved from a small quaint country town to a raging metropolos of a major city..
I was in the ladies toilets of Town Hall train station... I had once again caught the wrong train, or I was swapping trains or something along those lines and had been desperate to use the amenties.. Perhaps I'd had a bad curry or something, I don't quite remember.. TMI? Yes, sorry.. Too much information.
ANYWAY.....
Here I am sitting in a stall... Mum's wise words ringing in my ears "Don't put your hand bag on the dirty floor, hang it on the back of the door or put it in your lap"....
The bathroom is busy.. Peak hour.. Women are coming and going... Perfumes come and go as does the chatter and clomping of heels on tiles.. As I am finishing off my business and go for the toilet paper, I am cleaning up and I hear a woman's voice from the stall beside me "Are you going to leave some toilet paper for others?" at first I didn't realise her agressive tone was directed at me, so I disregarded until I came out of the cubical and was confronted by a cowly looking woman who then proceeded to berate me loudly about the amount of toilet paper I had just "consumed" leaving the rest of the women in the city toilet paperless.
Please bare in mind I didn't think that I had consumed an excessive amount of toilet paper, nor did I think my own Mother would have disapproved of my usage.
Obviously as a young country girl I apologised and considered myself "told" and went scarpering with my tail between my legs being concious of the amount of water I used whilst washing my hands as she watched me. I assume she got great delight out of screaming at me like a banchee in the tiled arena of the ladies toilet.. I hope she enjoyed that moment, because if she had done it to me now that I am older and wiser I would have knocked her down a peg or two..
To this day, some 16 years later, I wonder where that woman is... I'd like to buy her a pack of toilet paper (Quilton of course, only the best) just to spite her..
Fuck her and her soap box!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Buses and I don't mix....
Well, there seems to be a few bus stories on my list.. God knows by...
When reading this, please bare in mind that I moved to this city as a fresh faced 18 year old from the country.. The town I moved from had a population at the time of 1,700 or so. The first building I worked in had a population of 6,000! So, you could say that it was all a bit of a culture shock.
1. I once fell asleep on the 95 bus to the city.. I was supposed to get off BEFORE the bridge.. But ended up in the city. I was only new to this grand city so really didn't have a clue how to get around just yet.
Meanwhile I am late for work, and I had to figure out which train to catch back to the North side.. Scary for an 18yr old country girl in the middle of a crazy city.
2. I once caught the wrong bus home... I don't even know what bus it was, once again, young, nieve with obviously very bad eyesight.
The delightful bus driver and I were chatting, it was late at night.. He realised I was a country bumpkin fresh to the city who had absolutely no freakin clue.. So, against the rules, he drove me home.. How's that for customer service.. Thank you State Transit!
3. I was catching a bus from the Airport to the City early one Monday morning after being away for the weekend. I was getting off the bus at Central Train Station. I was exiting from the rear carrying a lot of baggage, however clearly I exiting the bus fast enough for other passengers. During this process I was pushed from behind thus thrusting me forwards like a horse coming out of the starting post although, not quite as gracefully...
Needless to say, I was laying half on the foot path and half in the gutter with my body partially under the bus with luggage ahoy and passagers trampling all over me. I wanted desperately to see the funny side of it, but all I could do was cry.
Not one miserable bastard attempted to help me up while I layed there half on the foot path and half under the bus.. It was then I realised it was a "dog eat dog" world and I was on the bottom of the food chain. It was time for this country gal to smarten up and grow some balls... So I picked myself up before the bus ran over me and I limped off with my head held high.
4, This one isn't entirely bus orientated, but it does include a bus trip!
I am one of the many flights from the city to my home town in the country. It's a Friday night.. I haven't been home for a while, so feeling a little home sick and missing my Mum's awesome cuddles.
So, plane goes to land in my home town, and due to minimal visabilty (damned fog) we cannot land. Which means we have to travel onto the next airport which also happens to be a three (3) hour drive further down the coast.
So, the airline had to charter a rikkety old bus to transport us back up the coast.. Arriving at 12am, tired, emotional.. Once again, crying..
5. Apparently according to the list I lost my keys at the train station circa 1998.. Apparently there is a story behind this incident. That must be a suppressed memory, because I'll be damned if I can remember that!
Is it any wonder I don't do public transport these days..
PS. My beautiful, talented and smart neice has informed me that I have missed a bus story!
6. In 1995 travelling on the bus up the coast to Sydney for a job interview with my pregnant sister. I actually think that we got lost in the city at some point... I actually think this memory is rather suppressed.. Clearly I was traumatised lol.
Anyway... Travelling on the bus on the way home, we sprung a leak... One of the inside rear tyres blew and from memory the bus driver couldn't change the tyre and we had to wait for AGES for another incompetent to come along... Needless to say, we were delayed getting home once again.
I'm so going to stick to trains, planes and sedans from now on.
When reading this, please bare in mind that I moved to this city as a fresh faced 18 year old from the country.. The town I moved from had a population at the time of 1,700 or so. The first building I worked in had a population of 6,000! So, you could say that it was all a bit of a culture shock.
1. I once fell asleep on the 95 bus to the city.. I was supposed to get off BEFORE the bridge.. But ended up in the city. I was only new to this grand city so really didn't have a clue how to get around just yet.
Meanwhile I am late for work, and I had to figure out which train to catch back to the North side.. Scary for an 18yr old country girl in the middle of a crazy city.
2. I once caught the wrong bus home... I don't even know what bus it was, once again, young, nieve with obviously very bad eyesight.
The delightful bus driver and I were chatting, it was late at night.. He realised I was a country bumpkin fresh to the city who had absolutely no freakin clue.. So, against the rules, he drove me home.. How's that for customer service.. Thank you State Transit!
3. I was catching a bus from the Airport to the City early one Monday morning after being away for the weekend. I was getting off the bus at Central Train Station. I was exiting from the rear carrying a lot of baggage, however clearly I exiting the bus fast enough for other passengers. During this process I was pushed from behind thus thrusting me forwards like a horse coming out of the starting post although, not quite as gracefully...
Needless to say, I was laying half on the foot path and half in the gutter with my body partially under the bus with luggage ahoy and passagers trampling all over me. I wanted desperately to see the funny side of it, but all I could do was cry.
Not one miserable bastard attempted to help me up while I layed there half on the foot path and half under the bus.. It was then I realised it was a "dog eat dog" world and I was on the bottom of the food chain. It was time for this country gal to smarten up and grow some balls... So I picked myself up before the bus ran over me and I limped off with my head held high.
4, This one isn't entirely bus orientated, but it does include a bus trip!
I am one of the many flights from the city to my home town in the country. It's a Friday night.. I haven't been home for a while, so feeling a little home sick and missing my Mum's awesome cuddles.
So, plane goes to land in my home town, and due to minimal visabilty (damned fog) we cannot land. Which means we have to travel onto the next airport which also happens to be a three (3) hour drive further down the coast.
So, the airline had to charter a rikkety old bus to transport us back up the coast.. Arriving at 12am, tired, emotional.. Once again, crying..
5. Apparently according to the list I lost my keys at the train station circa 1998.. Apparently there is a story behind this incident. That must be a suppressed memory, because I'll be damned if I can remember that!
Is it any wonder I don't do public transport these days..
PS. My beautiful, talented and smart neice has informed me that I have missed a bus story!
6. In 1995 travelling on the bus up the coast to Sydney for a job interview with my pregnant sister. I actually think that we got lost in the city at some point... I actually think this memory is rather suppressed.. Clearly I was traumatised lol.
Anyway... Travelling on the bus on the way home, we sprung a leak... One of the inside rear tyres blew and from memory the bus driver couldn't change the tyre and we had to wait for AGES for another incompetent to come along... Needless to say, we were delayed getting home once again.
I'm so going to stick to trains, planes and sedans from now on.
If I was a Superhero....
The reason why I am called "Spiderpants" by some close friends.
I used to own a 2br unit in the West.. It was quaint, sunny and homely. It had two balconies, one off the lounge room that overlooked the driveway and car park and another off the main bedroom that overlooked the clotheslines of which I rarely used in the five (5) years that I lived there, I used a clothes horse on the balcony.
One particular day I was bringing in the washing that was on the bedroom balcony and dumping it on the bed whilst talking to a good friend of mine. At some point during this process I realised that I had inadvertently provided transport for a large hairy spider of some description, at this point I screamed, jumped up and down flapping my arms around like an emu trying to take flight all whilst still on the phone. Needless to say, the phone was dropped and I managed to scoop the spider up in a work skirt, hooking my thumb into the belt loop, I ran onto the balcony and flung the shirt high in the air knowing it was securely hooked around my thumb, thus flinging the spider far far away whilst keeping the skirt secure.
What I didn't factor into this maneuver was if there were any other articles hooked up in the skirt. Sadly, whilst I kept my skirt I watched the spider go soaring through the air closely followed by a pair of my black lacy knickers which lost momentum and floated to a gentle landing on the balcony of my neighbour directly below who happened to be a young single guy.
CRAP! How am I going to get them back without drawing attention?
Where is the fishing rod? I fly down to the garage.. No fishing rod.. Damn!
So, I made an executive decision.. They can stay there until he (or a poor unsuspecting girlfriend) removes them.. I figure it's best to cut my losses and not say a damned thing, let him wonder how a pair of lacy black knickers got on the balcony.
Needless to say, those knickers stayed on that balcony for a good few weeks before being thrown off the edge.
I then sent them to knicker heaven... They had served their purpose in this life. It was time for them to have some peace.
I used to own a 2br unit in the West.. It was quaint, sunny and homely. It had two balconies, one off the lounge room that overlooked the driveway and car park and another off the main bedroom that overlooked the clotheslines of which I rarely used in the five (5) years that I lived there, I used a clothes horse on the balcony.
One particular day I was bringing in the washing that was on the bedroom balcony and dumping it on the bed whilst talking to a good friend of mine. At some point during this process I realised that I had inadvertently provided transport for a large hairy spider of some description, at this point I screamed, jumped up and down flapping my arms around like an emu trying to take flight all whilst still on the phone. Needless to say, the phone was dropped and I managed to scoop the spider up in a work skirt, hooking my thumb into the belt loop, I ran onto the balcony and flung the shirt high in the air knowing it was securely hooked around my thumb, thus flinging the spider far far away whilst keeping the skirt secure.
What I didn't factor into this maneuver was if there were any other articles hooked up in the skirt. Sadly, whilst I kept my skirt I watched the spider go soaring through the air closely followed by a pair of my black lacy knickers which lost momentum and floated to a gentle landing on the balcony of my neighbour directly below who happened to be a young single guy.
CRAP! How am I going to get them back without drawing attention?
Where is the fishing rod? I fly down to the garage.. No fishing rod.. Damn!
So, I made an executive decision.. They can stay there until he (or a poor unsuspecting girlfriend) removes them.. I figure it's best to cut my losses and not say a damned thing, let him wonder how a pair of lacy black knickers got on the balcony.
Needless to say, those knickers stayed on that balcony for a good few weeks before being thrown off the edge.
I then sent them to knicker heaven... They had served their purpose in this life. It was time for them to have some peace.
Significant incidents of a somewhat unfortunate kind....
I've been having a bit of a clean up in this household...
Why do we collect so much... STUFF! Admittedly, I am not a hoarder, I like to live simply. Yes I can get a little lazy and leave things lying around, lord knows I have my good days and bad days just like the rest of us.
I cleaned out the guest room yesterday. There was some paperwork that had made it's way there a few months ago during renovations and a housemate moving into the "office", so things just got put where there was an empty space.
As I have put in for a job in the country I figured in the off chance that I am successful I really should start to get this house into some form of order to streamline the process should I have to move.
Anyway... During the clean up, I found a list of.... Let's say "incidents" that have occurred during my life.. Some of them I have already forgotten about, others are still vivid. I thought, in the effort of trying to retain these memories that I would share them with you one at a time over a few weeks in no particular order.
Feel free to nod off, skip forward or log off at any time I won't be offended!
I hope you enjoy them as much as I have enjoyed reliving them.
Why do we collect so much... STUFF! Admittedly, I am not a hoarder, I like to live simply. Yes I can get a little lazy and leave things lying around, lord knows I have my good days and bad days just like the rest of us.
I cleaned out the guest room yesterday. There was some paperwork that had made it's way there a few months ago during renovations and a housemate moving into the "office", so things just got put where there was an empty space.
As I have put in for a job in the country I figured in the off chance that I am successful I really should start to get this house into some form of order to streamline the process should I have to move.
Anyway... During the clean up, I found a list of.... Let's say "incidents" that have occurred during my life.. Some of them I have already forgotten about, others are still vivid. I thought, in the effort of trying to retain these memories that I would share them with you one at a time over a few weeks in no particular order.
Feel free to nod off, skip forward or log off at any time I won't be offended!
I hope you enjoy them as much as I have enjoyed reliving them.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Illness of an avid reader...
Dear Ol'bastard
I am sorry to hear that you haven't been well... I do hope that you feel better soon.
Some tips for you:
1. Please refrain from using ladders. They cause nothing but strife and it is advised that you do not use them in the presence of cats (of any colour).
2. Please avoid using heavy machinery/equipment for the next few months. Heavy machinery used incorrectly can cause serious harm to one that is not experienced. Please take care and get some training before operating equipment such as drills, chainsaws, electric kettles and whippersnippers (please note that ladders may also be included in this).
3. Avoid machinery whilst under the influence of prescribed drugs. I think this goes without saying, however, you are a mere male, and let it not be said that I didn't warn you about the dangers of climbing a ladder under the influence of Viagra.... Whoops I meant Oxynorm.
4. You might wanna put your glasses on. But ensure you secure them around your neck on one of those ol'lady/man strings.. I'll buy you one and pop it in the post for you. DO NOT use a shredder unless you are either wearing your glasses or they are on your desk or neatly tucked away in your walking frame.
5. Teach the dog to dial 000. She might need it too should you happen to run over her... Again.
I do hope these few tips have helped and that you have a speedy recovery.
Chin up!
I am sorry to hear that you haven't been well... I do hope that you feel better soon.
Some tips for you:
1. Please refrain from using ladders. They cause nothing but strife and it is advised that you do not use them in the presence of cats (of any colour).
2. Please avoid using heavy machinery/equipment for the next few months. Heavy machinery used incorrectly can cause serious harm to one that is not experienced. Please take care and get some training before operating equipment such as drills, chainsaws, electric kettles and whippersnippers (please note that ladders may also be included in this).
3. Avoid machinery whilst under the influence of prescribed drugs. I think this goes without saying, however, you are a mere male, and let it not be said that I didn't warn you about the dangers of climbing a ladder under the influence of Viagra.... Whoops I meant Oxynorm.
4. You might wanna put your glasses on. But ensure you secure them around your neck on one of those ol'lady/man strings.. I'll buy you one and pop it in the post for you. DO NOT use a shredder unless you are either wearing your glasses or they are on your desk or neatly tucked away in your walking frame.
5. Teach the dog to dial 000. She might need it too should you happen to run over her... Again.
I do hope these few tips have helped and that you have a speedy recovery.
Chin up!
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