Introducing Flacido Gomez Dominican

From: Sally
Sent: Thursday, October 14, 2010 10:33 AM
To: Rach

How are you luv?

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From: Rach
To: Sally

Yeah good… how are you going on the dark side?
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From: Sally
To: Rach

Dark side is exactly that… Dark… Day four and I am not too sure. It's deafeningly quiet.
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From: Rach
To: Sally

LOL… just make it up Sal… it's all good! You'll be fine. I'll have to come visit you one day… I haven't been over there before :)
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From: Sally
To: Rach

You are welcome anytime.
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From: Rach
To: Sally

Right… well it's a date… are you in next week?
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From: Sally
To: Rach

Yes.. Unless:

a. I get hit by a bus
b. I go postal, which would result in you visiting me in another Government Building
c. I resign and become a monk
d. I get a sudden attack of paranoia and simply cannot leave the house
e. The cats eat me
f. I run away with the circus
g. I get a better offer
h. I am trapped in an MRI machine and the radiologist doesn't care
i. I was the 34th Chilean miner trapped 622mtrs underground and I was forgotten.. If so, please send help.
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From: Rach
To: Sally

LMFAO! What about winning lotto? Doesn't that get a mention?
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From: Sally
To: Rach

Oh please… Now you are just being unrealistically silly… Like that's going to happen!
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From: Rach
To: Sally

LMFAO! Yep… you being the last miner is much more likely.

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From: Sally
To: Rach

It could be… I am sitting down here in the dark on my mobile phone on webmail… It's been 10 weeks, they have done things to me I could never explain.. I only posed as a man so I could earn a bit more money.. Once my story is out I am going to sue that mining company for 37 million dollars for sexual assault.. Then I am going to buy a house in Spain overlooking the ocean and retire.

Can you please send me clean underwear? I am getting a bit rank and it's hard to get away from your own stench down here.

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From: Rach
To: Sally

Let it be said that you, Sally *****, have a VIVID imagination!!!!

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From: Sally
To: Rach

Oh and when you report me missing to the Chilean Authorities can you please use the name Flacido Gomez Dominican? They don't know me as Sally ***** over here (who would believe that name!). I just need another week, by then the weight loss will be at it's supreme and I might be able to be put into that capsule thing without having to wrap my boobs around my neck to fit them in. Thanks.

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From: Rach
To: Sally

LMFAO! No worries Flacido!!

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From: Sally
To: Rach

You catch on quick; this is why I can trust you with this information.

p.s. sorry about the lack of postcards.

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From: Rach
To: Sally

I am going to post this entire conversation on Facebook!

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From: Sally
To: Rach

I was going to change my name to Flacido on FB.. How many people will notice do you reckon? It could cause mass confusion…

I am gunna do it..
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From: Rach
To: Sally

DO IT!!!

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To: Rach

Done! NOW everyone will know my little secret.

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From: Rach
To: Sally

You're a rebel…

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From: Sally
To: Rach

I just hope no one comes to rescue me before my boobs have shrunk. Just to be on the safe side, could you please send me down some industrial strength gaffa tape or duct tape.. The tape I am using now to flatten my boobs (so I look more realistic as a blokey bloke miner) could do with a freshen up. Oh and some chocolate would be awesome, but it would have to be M&M's cause square blocks won't fit down the cylindrical food chute. Thanks again.
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From: Rach
To: Sally

What about Pods? You like them!

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From: Sally
To: Rach

Great idea! But will they melt? It's pretty warm down here, I figured M&M's cause they don’t melt in your hand. But pods would be awesome, just nothing with peanuts just in case I choke.. There is no one down here to give me the hyndlick manoeuvre.

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From: Rach
To: Sally

I have just read your email out in the office… we are all crying with laughter