TUNNEL OF DDDOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!

Friday was torture treatment day...


The morning started with a 6am wake up. Mum and I had to be at Hospital at 8am and it was suggested I take my Diazepam 30 minutes before going into the tunnel o' torture...

Wisely I waited until we got into the hospital car park before I actually took the diazepam which took effect within a short time.

My nerves weren't too bad considering I had been dreading this day for weeks.. But thanks to the count down provided by K2 it just drew closer and closer. Fortunately I had my Mummy with me :)

When we arrived at Imaging we realised I had forgotten my referral for the MRI from Dr H (doh!) so one of his Registrar's were paged and she wrote up a new one and it all happened so quickly and I was undressed (I do remember a conversation with the nurse about my bra and where I purchased it because she thought it was pretty and wanted one) and sitting in a chair wearing a stunning pale blue hospital gown with the vampire who was trying to find one of my small veins before I knew what was going on.. I will blame this loss of time on the Diazepam because I was rather dopey (surprise surprise).

Unfortunately for me, I have very small veins (I guess there is a line there about getting blood out of a stone) So, it took three (3) vampires to actually get a vein (sorry for those who don't like needles).

QUESTION: Can you lay on your back dead still for 90 minutes while you're being jiggled around back and forth in a tight tunnel while your head and neck and shoulders are pinned down in a brace and a cannular in your arm? Sounds daunting doesn’t it? Admittedly you do have an eye mask on and ear plugs in your ears as well as a "panic button" which I was holding in my right hand however I also had a syringe of contrast that I was holding in my left hand that was connected to the cannular in my left elbow.

By the time they actually put me on the MRI table I had lost my sense of humour and the diazepam had worn off. So I was going into the "tunnel of doom" ("TOD") pissed off and unmedicated… God help them!

About three quarters the way though (I estimate) I was pulled half out of the "TOD" and the Technician checked my welfare and then advised me he was going to give me the contrast. At this point I was BUSTING to go to the toilet and advised him that I needed to pee and asked him how much longer it would be. He told me five or ten minutes and could I hold on? I guess I didn’t have a choice because he has already injected the contrast and I was a captive audience. No pee break for me… So, back into the "TOD" I go..

You know how you are SO damned busting to go to the toilet that is ALL you can think about? It consumes you… You lay there with your bladder pulsating, it becomes even more uncomfortable each and every minute, especially when the bed is moving back and forth and jiggling as well at some points.. All you can think about is how you are so desperate for that relief.. This is me, trapped.. I thought how the hell am I going to get my mind off this incessant desire? For a while there I thought I was going to drop the lot.. BUT, then I realised I had to get my mind off it.. So, for the next FORTY minutes I sang (in my head)… I had a choice of either Monty Python's "I'm a Lumberjack" or Kenny Rogers "The Gambler".. I chose "I'm a Lumberjack for a few reasons:

1. It's more up beat than "The Gambler"

2. I knew all the words

3. Positive affirmation "I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK!"

4. "The Gambler" talks about drinking and that's the last thing I wanted to think about.

When they pulled me out I pointed my finger at the Technician who told me "10 minutes", gave him "the look" and said in a stern voice "you lied to me!" he laughed and said "oh, didn’t it FEEL like 10 minutes?"

I wanted to kick him in the arse and ask him what that felt like just to make sure his perception of things was reality. But I didn't think that would be appropriate.

Anyway, all's well that ends well.. and they were having a joke with me about my inability to stand and picking on me because I needed to pee and trying to make me laugh (it worked). Then after a brief wait for the toot and a change out of my sexy hospital gown into my clothes I discovered Mother in the waiting room having a delightful conversation with all the other patients waiting for Imaging. Why is it that she can always make a friend no matter the situation? LOL, she's just one of those types of people who attracts others I think.

Once we got home I had a look at one of the film's and didn’t particularly like that I saw which has put me in a bit of an off mood. I've convinced myself that I'm going to get some bad news, so if I get good news I will be on top of the world.

So, now it's off to see Dr H on the 8th February with my pile of scans then to see Dr N on the 10th Feb to get the all clear on the Cervical Cancer front - here's hoping it's all good news.

It has to be good news, because I won $12.75 in the Lotto yesterday!!!!!!!!

Note: Thanks to Jen and Clarkie for singing "I'm a Lumberjack" to me that many times that it's now memorised.  Thanks to Mum, Dad, Kez, Geoff, Aaron and Dave for your support and patience.