Bloody Camry drivers!

I’ve just been to Target. When I came back to the car some moron driving a Camry adorned with Frangipani stickers and seat covers had parked so damned close to my driver’s side door it wasn’t funny.

Now, I am no waif, but even if I was the skinniest rake of a thing I would not have been able to squeeze my arse into the drivers seat, in fact the only way I would have got in is if I morphed into vapour!

Needless to say I waited for 15 minutes for the offending driver (presumably a young woman with classy taste in car accessories) to turn up. But alas, my patience dissipated quicker than expected, plus I was sitting on wet ground doing a spot of people watching and my arse was becoming a little too damp.

However, I will admit that I did use those minutes wisely figuring out how I was going to get into the drivers seat NOT plotting the demise of “frangipani Camry driver”.

So, here is what I did:

Attempt no. 1: I sat in the passenger seat and attempted a shuffle across. FAIL! Jeans are restricting my flexibility. Plus I was risking the possibility of having to call an ambulance saying “ah, I am stuck in my car with a centre console up my bum".

Attempt no. 2: I pushed the front passenger seat as far forward as possible. Sat in the back seat removed my jeans (thank god for excessively tinted windows) and was counting my blessings on my choice of undies this morning.. Then squirmed my way over between the front seats, a foot on the drivers and another on the passenger side then gracefully parked my arse into the drivers side with a bit of squirming and squeezing.

It would have been a riot for any spectators!

Did I leave them a note? NO! But blimey was I tempted! Sadly, getting out of my car in a busy car park wearing only undies and a t-shirt wouldn’t be seen as “socially acceptable” nor graceful for a lady of my stature, plus I didn’t want to spend the night in the lock up for indecent exposure.

I then drove home in my undies praying that I wasn’t pulled over by the Police OR in a car accident. I know that Mum always says “make sure your wearing good undies in case you get hit by a bus”.

However once I got home I did find my neighbour on my front lawn waiting for me. Thankfully I had enough time to pull into the garage and pull my pants on before she spotted me sans pants.