A letter to a temporary Australian

Dear Motorcycle Enthusiast

I know when you have finished work for the day and heading to the gym (or "beat" which is yet to be established) for a work out. Well, I assume you work; you would have to as to be able to afford not only the fuel for your piece of "muscle machinery", but also the parts, tyres and blown engines of which I am sure there are a few going by your riding style.

I do appreciate the wakeup call at 1540 hours almost every afternoon when I can hear you accelerate around the roundabout which is approximately 800m from my office. It reminds me that I haven’t had my afternoon coffee and I should probably wee.

Then I assume once you have mastered the roundabout successfully, your attempt to become airborne from the speed you do along the road every afternoon is thwarted by having to go over the cattlegrid at the gateway to my office and your "beat", but, don’t give up I am sure one day you will succeed, with or without still being firming seated on your piece of machinery. Please note that should you become disengaged from your bike, the fact that I have advanced first aid will be completely useless considering the speed and velocity involved when you encounter the cattlegrid. Don’t worry if I hear the crash I’ll make sure I dial 000 before leaving the office or maybe just the morgue to give them a heads up on your “belly up”.

Whilst I am sure that you LOVE your piece of machinery and you enjoy riding it around our small town, I personally am not a fan. Perhaps it’s not your machine that I am not a fan of, perhaps it is your “attempt” at riding it that I am not fond of.

I am not sure if you revv the engine because:

1. It’s idling too low and you’re afraid it will cut out on you (I’ll happily refer you to a good mechanic)

2. You’re deaf and you NEED TO HEAR THE ENGINE.

3. You get off on the vibrations of the engine between your legs

4. It’s just a part of being a motorcycle enthusiast

5. You revv the engine to let me/whoever know you are coming

6. It’s your calling card

7. LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you ride like this around your home, you must be really popular with the neighbours. If I only encounter you a few times a week and I want to slash your tyres I’d hate to think what your neighbours want to do to your prized piece of metal. Personally I am tempted to get one of our trucks and park you in, your bike would be no match for a 6 tonne fully laden truck.

Hear you soon!

Lots o'Love
The chick next door.