A room with a view..

Thought I would finally get around to downloading some of the pictures I took during my hospital stay.

Maybe this picture is not so good for the faint hearted, but this is where they eventually put the cannula to pump me full of roids..  Not the best spot, but was the only vein that wanted to play nice on the morning.  The Doctor said that it's a good thing I am not a druggie cause I'd be stuffed finding a vein to inject into all the time.  I'll try and remember that!

This is the view from the room I was placed in on Day 1...

It had an awesome view of Emergency and the road and I would have been able to see the whole town go past.. Sadly they didn't leave me there for long and I was shipped off to a room to share with an older man who I'll call "Major" because of his surname and a connection to a Mobile Medical Army based Sitcom that sometimes still airs on TV.  He was a hoot and good for a chat about gardening.. He was in for a knee replacement and was a self confessed "Tough Ol'Bastard".. God bless him!

View from Day 2..

Nothing spectacular here apart from now being off the ward and in Intensive Care.. I was having severe chest pains and tightness at this point in time due to the drugs and please note the position of the ECG machine just in case I keeled over..  I think it's fair to say that the "Major" might have rubbed off on me a bit and I took on his attitude and became a "Tough Ol'Bitch" but that was only when I wasn't crying.

I was on 30 minute observation which included taking of temp, blood saturation, blood pressure blah blah blah, oxygen etc. 

You can't see it in the picture, but on the roof was a metal thing that had me fooled.. I was trying to figure out all fecking day what it could have been and I was stumped.. I couldn't really see properly either because my vision hadn't really come back completely, but eventually when Bloke came be sorted me out with an answer and I was all good.. It was a bracket to secure a ladder to the side of the building..  ALL that worry for a bloody ladder bracket...  Crikey!

View from Day 3...

Now, bear in mind that at this point I had literally lost my sense of humour.. I was cranky, crying and just down right miserable.  I felt like poo and all I wanted to do was curl up and have the earth swallow me whole.  Bloke spent more time in hospital with me that day.. That man is worth more than I can ever imagine, I am such a lucky woman.

All plugged in and ready to rock and roll...  Albeit a little swollen and worse for wear...

And just for good measure here is a picture of the fresh home made spaghetti that Bloke made.. It should make up for all the horrible pictures I have put up on this particular post.  Imagine it smothered in a Creamy Marinara Sauce with fresh parsley on the top!  Bellissimo!!

 Random, but hey if you are a regular reader of my blog you'll have figured that out by now!

Sleep... Hello where are you my dear friend?

It's currently 0430am.  I have been laying in bed for the last 90 minutes (since my last toilet break) composing this blog in my head..  Lets see how I go at remembering what I was ranting about.

I remembered today something that the eye specialist said to me when we were discussing treatment for my latest bout of Optic Neuritis.  We were discussing that my previous episode was treated with three (3) days of intensive IV Steroids (of which I cannot remember the name, but I may have blogged that previously).  Then home for rest, no further drugs (oral or otherwise).

This time around he put me on IV Steroids as well as a course of oral steroids of the same variety.  100mg a day (4 tablets a day that taste incredibly offensive and make you wanna gag - note to manufacuturer: Please for the love of god try these things before you put them on the market, a little bit of coating wouldn't go astray with these beauties).

Sorry, back to the drugs...

So, whilst I have now been on these for just over a week (started Saturday 30th June 2012) I guess I can start to see the real side effects shining through.

I have a constant horrible taste in my mouth which I would liked to something similar to toilet water.  Now, please don't get the impression that I am a regular at drinking out of the toilet bowl, but I would imagine this is what it would taste like if I did.

Additionally, but sense of taste has soured.. I can no longer really taste the food that I am eating.. It is like I am desensitised.  Chocolate doesnt have the same taste, I could be eating some kind of inferior chocolate and not even know the difference! Coffee doesnt taste the same and I miss being able to enjoy my morning cup of coffee.

My sense of smell is still good though, I know this because Bloke made a wonderful smelling Prawn Green Curry for dinner tonight, but when I tried it I was desensitised, it didn't have the punch it should have, although I am sure it did taste marvellous (at least he told me it did, so I believe him).

Now, lets talk about bowel movements.. Just for a short time, I won't linger I promise..  But my gut has started to muck up a bit.  It's not good, there is lots of gas and there is lots of unpleasant smells and I have been feeling very bloated and uncomfortable within myself.

Yesterday I was helping Bloke and his mate erect a carport off our new shed and I bent down to pick up something and farted.. Now, everyone knows that ladies do not fart (I didnt say I was a lady) but when it comes to doing it in front of Blokes mates I was a little embarrassed.. Fortunately he has a great sense of humor and took the piss out of me.. Crisis averted!  Maybe now he will feel comfortable about farting in front of me and we could even have competitions!

Right, whats next?  Showers..  Although I dont have sores all over my body, when the hot water hits my skin I do feel as though I do.  It's a weird sensation and I am sure it's just the hot water hitting all of my now slightly irritated nerve endings (or whatever) but it is somewhat odd and I havent had that feeling before.  I often finding myself checking my skin for sores but find nothing.. My body is playing tricks on my mind.

Sleep... Every friggin 90 minutes (or less) I am up to the toilet.  I am sure that I am just getting rid of excess fluid.  I have been awake since about 3am this morning.. It's cold and all I want to do is curl up next to Bloke and join his rendition of "The Hills are alive with Snoring" but alas I just lay there thinking about my next blog.. Mind going a million miles an hour.  They way I see it, the sooner I am off these drugs the sooner I can have my life back.

Pounding heart and feeling like I have the jitters and hyperactive.. Teamed with a bit of a short fuse.  Not good when I am being irritated. 

Did I finish the conversation about drugs that I had with the eye specialist?  No, I ranted.. Sorry about that.

So, Dr Eye said that he has read some recent testing that indicates that whilst receiving IV Steroid treatment alone is effective, he has read that following that up with a course of Oral Steroid wards off and prolongs future episodes.  So hence why he has put me on the orals this time around.  I am hoping that I can go another 2 years without another episode, that would be good, great, excellent considering I am one of the lucky MS patients who are not regularily having episodes (like more than 4 times a year).

I have to go back to my GP this coming Friday to discuss what is happening with the Orals.. I am assuming she will start to wein me off them.  They are apparently an addictive drug, how anyone could be addicted to a drug that makes you feel like poo all the time is beyond me, but each to their own.

Might be time to try and head back to bed now.. Psycho cat is awake and is channeling Jack Brabham and thinks that the house is now a raceway.. Maybe she is just bouncing around because she knows I cant sleep and I am hyper.  The dogs have been barking a bit tonight, there is a sly fox that gets around and I am afraid he stirs up "Dumb and Dumber", fortunately he doesnt seem to linger around for long and they go back into their little beds and curl up with their little heads on their little legs.

That being said I will now have vented this blog and I will think of something else which will mean I will just lay there again thinking....  But maybe this time I will think about what improvements we are going to make in the new house, so far I have already recarpeted the lounge, main bedroom (including walk in robe), considering carpet for in the dining room, but I am not sure (same goes for hallway and front foyer) and the sunroom.  The other bedrooms arent too bad carpet wise.  I might even pull up the cork tiles in the kitchen and replace them with floating floorboards. 

While I am at it, I might rip down the old curtains and put up wooden venetians..

Off to try and sleep now.. Thanks for letting me vent :)

One small step to helping others....

Today I feel like I have made a bit of an impact on someone's life via my blog..
Initially I wrote to deal, vent and record for prosperity, so essentially it was for selfish reasons. But if my random ramblings help someone else going through the same thing then that's a major bonus and somewhat rewarding even if just a little bit.. But that's enough for me.

I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank my followers/readers.

I apologise for the somewhat heavy reading I often put in here, but I do hope that I counteract that with a few that make you laugh as well.

Now, time for me to go back to sitting in the winter sunshine and watching the dogs get cranky about being swooped by Magpies.. 

Precurser to an episode???

I think I have come to the conclusion that for me, a warning signal that I am about to have an MS episode is tonsillitis ..
It just seems that everytime I have an episode strangely about a week before I have had tonsillitis pretty bad..

I guess it really is all about the body's early warning system!

Roids... They bugger you up big time...

God I am cranky..  Not only am I cranky, but I flip my poo at anything small that normally I wouldn't care about.

I don't remember the steroids having this effect on me last time.

But, it is the roids or is it that I am not sleeping well, I feel like I am bloated and very very ordinary.  Bending isn't on my list of things to do at the moment due to being all swollen I suspect.. I assume it is either my colon or probably even my liver trying to get rid of toxins.. But who knows.

I've had a week off work and am starting to feel a little better but the lack of sleep is getting too me..  So I might try and give work a go tomorrow if I feel up to it in the morning, then again my cognative ability isn't all that crash hot at the moment.  I am still a bit foggy and lethargic I am not confident to drive as yet, but I guess it will be daylight so that should be ok I guess.

I am now on Day 5 of steroid treatment, my eye is considerably better albeit still a little out of focus but I can see much much more than I could this time last week.  I am on oral Prednisolone 100mg a day as well as 20mg of Pariet twice a day to help with my gastro issues that are associated with the steroids.  12 more days to go.. Not that I am counting...

In all of this hooharr that is going on with the miscarriage then the MS episode we are attempting to puchase another property..  We have made a few offers to the owner of this house we like and she still refuses to budge.  One minute you think she is keen and the next she has a chat to her "family" and they seem to put her off..  I am beginning to think that she either doesn't want to sell (she has already moved) or her family don't want her to let it go. 

I am beginning to get over it very quickly.. Sadly because we have made counter offers she now clearly knows that we are very interested in the house and that she now has the upper hand, I HATE that when it comes to buying a house.. We should be the one with the upper hand, it's our money for gods sake!

Right, enough of that, I will end up crying and rocking backwards and forwards in a corner if I carry on with that caper and I don't know where the nearest mental assylum is...

Camry Drivers Anonymous

If you drive a Camry and you have suddenly realised that it's an old man's car that you're driving..  It's ok, we're here to help.  Whilst we appreciate that the Camry is a fine vehicle and will just keep going and going and going because it's a Toyota, some drivers/ owners may feel pressured by others about how "cool" or "uncool" it might be.

This also includes
Aurion


Feel free to post your issues and discuss them with our kind and understanding readers, we will help you throught your issues and even may help you choose a real car or one that is best suited to your personality.

It's ok, all is not lost just yet. 

Hang in there Tiger and leave us a message :)

Episode II

So, about 10 days after our miscarriage, I am feeling like a bit of a failure blah blah blah..  and I realise that I have woken up with my second episode of Optic Neuritis.

Not only were we pregnant, then miscarriaged, but also going through the process of purchasing a new home (which is still occuring) and now due to the stress of everything and the trauma that my body has just gone through I have this on top of everything.

Mum and Dad were arriving in a matter of days, we were sorting our financial documents and driving backwards and forwards into our major town which is about an hours drive to see the mortgage broker and the bank etc and I couldn't drive.. I couldn't see much to drive because of the 70% loss of vision in my right eye (same as last time July 2010).

Did I tell anyone?  No, I just kept trudging on, putting up with the pain and pressure behind the eye and the loss of vision, the head aches but Nurofen became my friend for a few days there.

Mum and Dad left and I managed to find the strenght to talk to Bloke about it who wasn't impressed, and understandably so.

Off to the GP we go!  She refers me to an eye specialist in our nearest major town and he then pretty much sends me off to hospital with a few choices..

I can either stay in there for 3 days and get IV Steroids OR I can go into my local hospital three hours a day for three days and receive it..  Hell Yeah!!  That saves Bloke the trip into town and I get to go home at night.

So, Wednesday I started at our local hospital on 1g of Methyl Prednisolone IV for three hours, then Thursday and now today Friday was my last IV.

Frankly right now I feel like shit.. I havent really had much sleep, I cant really sleep.. I am bloated and feel like this is what it would have been like to be pregnant (lesson learnt).  I am feeling nausious, it's almost 1am and I have attempted to sleep but to no avail.. Hence I guess why I am here.

So, now I go onto 100mg of Prednisolone (oral) for 2 weeks - 4 x 25mg tablets a day.. Seems like a lot doesnt it?  Then a visit to the eye specialist in a month and a visit to a new neurologist in town which I am sure is going to be a LOAD of fun and may result in me having to discuss and make a decision on permanent drugs which will require a daily injection - frankly not something I am keen on.

I guess considering I have been episode free for 2 years that is a bonus, must mean I was doing something right before we fell pregnant, which leads me to think that perhaps we will have to give up the baby making process for the time being, if not forever.

Anyway, I start on my oral meds tomorrow, lets see how they make me feel and perhaps I should try and get some sleep before I fall into a bigger bundle of poo and end up in a worse situation.

More later......

Welcome to the world of MS Jack Osborne

I've read in the news recently that Jack Osborne, son of famous musician Ozzy Osborne and his wife Sharon has been diagnosed with MS after getting Optic Neuritis (large percentage loss of vision in either eye) which is how I was initially diagnosed.

Whilst you wouldnt wish this condition on your worst enemy, it's a shame that it can't be curable and those of us that have the condition have to take the good with the bad.

This now leads me onto my next blog......

BTW, Jack.. Good luck with your treatment, I hope it all goes alright for you..

This might get a bit personal... Read with caution!

I guess it's safe to reveal that, whilst not trying, Bloke and I recently encountered our first pregnancy.

At first I thought nothing of being "late" and it wasn't until I had a conversation about constipation (of all things!) with a dear friend who is going though IVF that the penny dropped that I could actually be pregnant. 

I thought, "hang on... I am constipated" ssooooooo, then and only then did I put two and two together and got 46 chromosomes.. 

Now bare in mind that I thought that my plumbing didn't work.  We knew that Bloke was in working order cause he has living, walking, driving, talking proof of that (albeit it was 21 years ago), I on the other hand had myself convinced that I didn't have what it would take to foster the environment for a foetus, little did I know!

The following day after a discussion with Bloke about the prospect of us being pregnant, I trudged down to the only Pharmacy in town wearing dark glasses and a hoody and after walking around for a while I figured I looked suspicious and decided to disguise my voice to ask the young lady behind the counter where they have hidden the pregnancy tests.  I swear it's a conspiracy!

Home I go with little brown paper bag in hand, and with Bloke waiting nerviously in the loungeroom, I locked myself in the toilet armed with a little bit of stage fright and a good case of nerves.  By what seemed like the 10 minute mark I managed to pee enough on the stick according to the instructions of which I read numberous times. NOTE: the top of the toilet paper roll is a great makeshift shelf for holding instructions.

So I place the stick on the floor between my feet and wait... and wait... and wait... "Are you ok in their Darl?"...  I can see a positive sign and I wait and I wait and I wait.. I think at this point I am either waiting for the positive sign to become a negative again OR I am just frozen stiff in shock.  It is winter, my arse could have been frozen to the toilet, but that's highly unlikely..

Eventually I managed to vacate the premises and walk into the lounge room with stick in hand, I had no words, I couldn't speak, I couldn't even say a thing to Bloke to sat patiently waiting for me to emerge from the toilet with an answer, eventually all I could do was to walk over and hand it to him, point at the positive sign and grunt. He's chuffed! So happy he is almost bursting at the seams! Me on the other hand am confused and shocked.

A visit to the GP a few days later confirmed that we were in fact 6 weeks pregnant and due on Australia Day! 

So, we go through all the motions of making sure I am eating well, no more alcohol, lots of chocolate, no more soft cheeses or processed meats, boost my vitamin intake and take it easy until our 12 week scan in July..  I have never been pregnant before I didn't even know how to be pregnant!  I was sure it couldn't be that hard!

I guess I could afford myself the chance to get a little bit excited about being a Mum, I guess I could allow myself a chance to get used to the fact that Bloke and I would share in the wonders of bringing a child into the world, thank god he had experience cause I was clueless!!

However I suppose as much as you try and as much as you start to get used to an alien growing inside you and the changes your body is going through and how your life is about to change it doesn't make it any easier when you discover that it is not to be and at 8 weeks we had a miscarriage.  Devastated! Saddened!  There was nothing I could do to prevent it, I was doing everything right but I guess it all boils down to "everything happens for a reason".. EVERYTHING!  Even if it is heart wrenching.

Obviously baby wasn't ready for this world..  Baby had to be somewhere else.

I kinda thought that our first ultrasound would show a little blob and we would be able to hear a heartbeat, but it wasn't meant to be.  So after going to see the radiologist for our first ultrasound only to find nothing and about 6 days of pain and 9 days bleeding we are going to give it another try and hope like hell that we don't ever have to go though that again.

I reflect on those women that I know that have been though a miscarriage multiple times, some have had up to 8 miscarriages trying to fall pregnant and to create a family and I think about my own experience and I think "it's gotta take a seriously strong and determined woman to go through that more than once".

I also reflect on those women who have gone through a miscarriage alone or without a supportive partner.  The pain is sometimes debilitating and whilst I have never been through child birth I have been told that is what it's like.

To those women out there that have gone though a miscarriage more than once, I take my hat off to you, not only do you have to endure the pain, but the feeling of loss, failure that you feel within yourself and disappointment that goes through your mind.

I have learnt a few things from this unfortunate and sad occassion.  I will perhaps be a little more thankful of what my body can do.. I will not be quite so shocked next time.. 

I will be aware that when I am in a waiting room bragging to my partner or parents about being pregnant and finding out the sex of baby that quite possibly somewhere within ear shot there could be a woman that has just got the sad news of losing her baby and she could well be grieving and the last thing she wants to hear is another woman beaming about her first scan. But on the other hand I will be happy for that woman.

But that being said, I will be even more thankful that I have my loving partner beside me with his arm around me hugging me tightly against him and reassuring me that we'll be successful next time.  Cause we will!

What would you do for love?

How could anyone in their right mind compare Brynne Edelstein to Lara Bingle?

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity/brynne-edelsten-says-she-will-not-appear-nude-in-her-tv-reality-show-unlike-lara-bingle/story-e6frfmqi-1226355905370

 

It must have been a slow news day for The Daily Telegraph..

 

I was only thinking the other day that we hadn't heard anything from Geoffrey or Brynne.

 

I would be more inclined to compare Brynne to me.. I am the country version though.. Hangon, let me get this right, I am the lower budget country version.

 

She moved across the world for the man she loves.

 

I moved across the state for the man I love.

 

She likes fine food and wine, I like fine food and wine on a budget.

 

I wonder how she made new friends when she moved to a new home. I mean she is probably surrounded my hundreds of people, most of them wanting to become her friend for who she is and what she has since she married Geoff. How would she find a “genuine”friend who likes her for her sense of humour or taste in movies or just for her conversation?

 

That being said, she probably hasn’t got a true friend to hang out with other than Geoff. She does go home to the states every three (3) months to see her family. I don't even see my family that often and I live a six (6) hour drive away. Maybe I need to make more of an effort.

 

I wonder how she gets on with Geoffrey’s kids...

 

If she was my friend, I wonder what I would cook if her and Geoffrey “popped over for supper”. My famous Lasagne with a salad on our old wooden dining table that has scratches, bumps and marks with the dogs protesting at the backdoor (like they always do cause they can smell foods) and the cats weaving themselves around her toned legs and designer high heels that are worth more than my ENTIRE wardrobe (including work supplied uniform). Would she mind if I wore a pair of jeans, tshirt and my fleecy slippers to dinner? Or would that be out of the question?

 

Having just written all of this, I am so thankful for the (modest) life that I have and I am sure to hell she is too. I am sure that we have both done it tough financially, we know what it’s like to struggle, and I appreciate what we have.

 

In the long run, I guess it all comes down to the power love.